Category: feelings

Wonder of the dance

Hardly a breath taken as she leans closer, closer still 
Getting drawn in to her own astonishment as the tale dances in her veins 
It takes her over and she is not an observer she is there 
Audible intake of breath as the snow begins to fall inside the room fluttering down 
Her hand clapped to her mouth 
Head shaking in disbelief as the girl in the feathered tutu seems to fly across the boards 
And she is so overcome the tears sting her eyelids but don’t break free
Incase they hamper her view of the wonders ahead 
She is part of their world if even for a short time it’s a glimpse into myth and magic 
But it’s true because she’s here and a witness to every move they make
She can believe in magic in its sparkly , twinkly beauty 
Because magic shows its ugliness and glamour in equal measure and there’s always a way
A way through the dark, the fear 
She leaves after the encore filled with a knowing otherness 
She will make her own future and she is beautiful 
She can be , she is magic.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Blinded by glitter

You tell yourself it’ll be fine and you’ll get to it later
Because it’s never went wrong on you before has it?
Has it?
Oh right, I forgot again, nothing is ever your fault
And while you scurry off muttering white rabbits and chasing
The latest piece of blinding glitter down a hole,
To find out of this is the piece of glitter to make yoy whole
Complete the collection
You missed the one who shines with effervescent light beside you,
Or pushed behind you because you saw glitter
And had to chase your precious
Whilst leaving a diamond surrounded by rubies in the dust
Because it hadn’t enough glamour and wonder the shine worn off
Chase your next dream
Go on be my guest there will be nothing left next time you turn
To the jewel of them all
So many warnings and portents of your ruination have you had
Yet you ignored them all as fools knowing nothing
Carry on taking till there’s nothing left but ask yourself
What happens then?
Too blinded by glitter to see the real shine of truth
And now you’re left no sparkle, no sunshine warmth
In a yellowing sepia picture left out in the desert too long
Dry ,crackling and bare
You remember behind you, turn but nobody is there.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Understanding

It’s dawning on her slowly as she seeks to not believe
That again the door is closed on her
A step forward with a smile she nods and offers a yes
To the question of whether she understands
Of course she doesn’t but what can be said
It makes no difference to say otherwise and appear foolish
When the door to discussion is locked and barred
Where do you go
You can have no understanding or clarity
And it changes nothing
Just adds one more tick to the chart of letdowns
Going towards the land of doesn’t matter any more
He has won a small victory with no arguments he thinks
Puffed up with ego like a balloon floating on his win
Till the day he is left shocked as he watches her
Cut the cord
In full and clear understanding.

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Do you remember?

What was it that first drew your eyes to her
And held them there
Who you thought it was you wanted to be a part of
And be the reason for her smile
Do you remember?
Were you trying to make her so that she pushed
It wasn’t your fault
You’ll say she jumped ship not your fault you shrug
Always going to happen
Did your mind engineer it to be this way in the plan
Too good to believe it would last
And now you’re proved right
Do you remember?
Counter argue that one day it maybe could or would have been easy
But would it
Is anything worth having ever that clean cut
The obstacles are the trial
Do you remember?
She’s walking away with eyes like razor sharp flint
But they don’t cut through anymore and you can’t get why
She’s tired it’s too hurtful now
She’s warned you till the words ran dry
All the times you could have…. Fill in the blanks
Do you remember?

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Treasure trove

Like an old wooden treasure chest she sits there
Filled when the lid is opened with precious gems
Information cascades like a spilled pot of golden nuggets
The rubies,  diamonds, pearls glint to catch the sun
Holding it’s warmth she reels it inside
Intent on filling it with warmth and beauty, fire and love
She pushes down the darkness determined
If she ignores it it will disappear surely
Through the slats the darkness slowly pushes out
Forms foggy shrouds around her
She needs to open the chest more often know her own worth
If the treasure trove were stolen tomorrow
She would sparkle and gleam without it
For the stars live in her eyes
No shooting stars these
But perfect everlasting energy to glint forever
They are her soul her beautiful soul

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Two selves

She is watching but cannot be observed in return
Hovering at the woman’s left shoulder
Like a sentinel trying to warn through soundproof glass
Walk away from this
The woman sometimes catches your scream on the wind
When the frustration of her futile situation angers enough
But she is mostly deaf through choice
Because she heard a question
How much longer will you accept this offer of nothing
Before walking to find something?
Again and again she denies the left hand road
The different ways to turn for fear of…..
What?
You?
Herself?
Him?
Maybe none of these but they mask it all quite nicely
Eventually her head will quiet enough and she will hear
It will be as though she sees the other woman
Her old self,  or maybe the new
And the one to bring her peace from her fears and storms
Was within all along and by her side
Her voice of reason will guide her through

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Our position

You stand there telling the world our position
Maybe it’s what you believe
Though I see you desperate for your day in the sun
With a chance to write your own history books
You in the heroes robes
Do you star in your own little daydreams?
Wearing ermine,  furs and the like
While your hand is itching to slam on the button
Do you see the sorrow you’ll cause in a far off land
Or is it merely a button to strike
I am saddened,  hurt, angry and more
That you have chosen this in my name
There are real lives at risk not tin soldiers who can live again
So awake from the dream you’re no conquering hero
And did they ever exist at all
Wake up become wise and use sense and compassion
Instead of leading the world into war

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Subject unseen

You ask something of me silently,  Dancing around your subject like a veiled woman who wants to go unnoticed
But desires to be seen
Your arms lift as you try to put emphasis on a point
You have not made
I attempted to ease the asking by almost suggesting things
Still you dance frantically unnoticed and seen
I am weary from trying to understand how
You attempt to play your game
Be brave,  brazen,  or just plain rude
But for the sake of my sanity alone speak
I am losing the will to care

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Ethereal Beauty

I watch her as behind her eyes go beyond illuminated, dancing 
With mischief and mirth freed from their hiding place 
For now she is free to be, as simple or complex as that makes her 
She is only allowed this time by sheer chance 
Yet I see her essence escape and glide effortlessly 
Talking, laughing, dancing in her most ethereal form 
I ache to tell her that this self needs to be made free without censure 
Know she wouldn’t believe me and tamp her flames down to nothing  
So I watch
And it is a joyful sight 
But a tiny part of me cries, knowing that this part of her is hostage 
Only because she is told to keep it hidden from sight 
She sees ordinary, I watch a rare beauty a natural beauty 
I told her once she was beautiful and she thought I mocked her 
Then it dawned I meant my words and she said I was kind 
But she really knew 
Her limits didn’t include beauty 
I don’t know if she fully believed when I told her she was truly beautiful 
When she allows her spirit freedom her beacon shines
Maybe that’s what he’s afraid of? 
He’s terrified of something 

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

The Beckoning

I follow the cavernous pathway down below the core
Leading to where I do not know nor if return is possible
The unseen spectres around brush my face familiarly
Still I press on, to what I am unable to say
Follow the woman who has told me to come here urgently
And I am asked for reasons why I am here
But my answer is not forthcoming yet
Stammering as I stagger on afraid and half crazed with fear
I am loathing something as a sly tongue asks
And you what right have you to be here attend my realm
I cannot reply not possessing a ready answer
I stop trying to puzzle and fumble ahead
Following only my gut call of where on the rocks to tread
My head bursts forth with an answer that shocks me
Fuck it, I will be here,  am here and you have no case
Nothing to answer just live with it or don’t
But I am here to stay whatever….

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015