Death is a mercy, sometimes.

I wrote this after watching a programme which was about a family but PTSD features heavily and this is what came out!

He was a speaker with animals

before the destruction

Feeding them, knowing their ways

Before the fodder was him.

Sent underground to set traps

For an unwitting enemy

A generals mind in foot soldiers body

The damning combination.

A world destroyed a mind fragmented

By bangs, shells, sounds, screams

Some are his own

When he wakes from the sleep

That he tries never to have

Nightmares worse than any day can conjure

He doesn’t speak of what happened

The words are not yet invented

Distractions, diversions, plans

All to keep his mind from being idle

So the torture stays away

He is there but not there

A spectre in his own life

This living breathing moving ghost

Who everyone knows

Yet nobody understands he’s locked in

Always in the terror of then

The time he cannot speak of

He is voiceless and it’s all there

Waiting to explode

At the back of his mind is a thought

Humming louder daily

Death is a mercy, sometimes.

Ailsa
©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2019

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A wound too far

Hands gripping tightly so I see

Bone crunching bone

Nobody is talking about anything

Unless you’re the topic

And if they laugh it’s at you

You’re sure because it’s what they do.

She’s asks you quietly why they would

Eyes narrow in anger, suspicion

Turned on her because her words

Are what will always be known

Her opinions the most eminent

And she has something for all seasons

It matters not if it’s cutting, hurtful.

The girl turns away sighing

Another battle of wills to try and say

That the world doesn’t not turn

Around one woman or man

Every thought not about her

Still sure the whispers and smiles

The laughter is aimed at you.

From this distance I see the girl

Trying not to sigh or show anything

Which will be misconstrued or hurled

To her head at a later date

When you decide to deride her

Once more for not being the captive

Who is grateful for her tongues captivity

At some point she knows very soon

She will walk away not to return

Her binds have been broken

With your last savage words that tore

One wound too many.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2019

Chameleon

Opinions change to match the mood

Colours nailed to your mast have

Disappeared in a wink if you can see

A chance for getting something

Anything even if you don’t want it

It’s something gained to be shelved

With the dust and dirt you held onto

In case it came in handy.

Control of others your endgame

By play acting at being guileless

You were taught by a master of deceit

And you’re proud of the ability

To change for the audience

Putting on a coat that says you’re confused

Or a shawl that says I’m determined

And all the while there’s no real you left.

You forgot who you were or could be

When you decided to play the system

To suck everything dry from anyone

Willing to give a drop to the vampiric

Little knowing they’d be slowly worn

Away to nothing by a smiling face saying

It’s your fault for living better lives than me

As the chameleon changes once more.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2019

So you say

Keep believing in the good

It’ll all come right enough

See children with no food

And bodies wet with blood

But it’ll all work out in time

Everything will get better magically

So you say.

You can feel pity and do nothing

Say nothing because you don’t need

To worry if your own back yard

Is looking neat with poppies growing

Pretty as a picture grown for the dead

And you tell everyone you did your best

Or so you say.

Children washed up lifeless on beaches

Or in a box on a city street if they’re lucky

Convince yourself they all go back

To a safe warm bed, and a meal to eat

Before you have to consider reality

And then say you turned your caring back

So it’s not offensive

You see all the things going on

Kids in cages, bullets flying

Because extremists are taking over

But it’s nothing to do with you

Am I understanding that right?

When they knock at your door

Shall we ignore it as you’re taken away?

Oh it’s never going to happen to me

I hear you say.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2019

Promise the North

Let’s look at the North frozen wastelands

Win them over boys again.

Tell the same stories, change the words

Dangle carrots full of powerful pain.

Yes, I know we told them that last year

Also probably the one before

Saying we’d give them help

It’s the North, they only settle scores.

Subdue, substitute and ignore

All we’ve ever done to the place

We’ll keep our powerhouse for us

Tell them it’s impossible, save our face.

Forget it now, this promise to the North

All they do is march, pour forth

Didn’t go to our old chaps schools

They can’t see we’re a ship of fools.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2019

Eruption

It’s bubbles are hot and the lava like acid burns

My throat tight from tasting anger

Twisting and turning as turbine

You spout nothing but searing air

To then forget goldfish-ly as the wind changes.

Your world has no room for anything of logic

It contains your grand vision

You the star of your own show

Roses falling at your feet in the hurrah

That you decided you deserved

And still you wait for it…

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2019

Differ and change

Undercurrent flows into conversation

A bitter edge that says you’re not better

Yet I never said I was

How do you explain it?

That you just need to see what else there is

Know what other choices there are

Make decisions without fear of

The failure that surely follows

If you dare to change

And allow Times mist to swirl around

Carrying you with them to new things.

If you’re happy where you are I’m happy

For you are living your plans

As I am

Neither of us better or best

Just different and happy with our choice

So we shall have to beg to differ

And I will follow my change.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2019