Swirling

The mists swimming slowly toward the

Girl, engulf her slender being like there’s

Nobody there and they swirl.

Whipping clouds into a gentle candy floss

that will take you in their arms smothering

Your world and they swirl.

Clouds grey green and mysterious she stands

Entranced as they begin their consumption

Until she is seen no more And THEY SWIRL

I walk to where she stood and the mist clears

The wind dies and there is nothing there

Was she there?

Was she in my imagination?

Or is she part of the swirling, the mist and it is I who is gone

And suddenly I am swirling

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018

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Different days

Sometimes we blame the outsider

For anything different or new

We can’t see ourselves being hoodwinked

When it’s drip fed syrupy sweet

It’s easier to charge the other ones

Whoever they may be

Lives lived differently there’s suspicion

Blame wrought by change.

You’ll see so many with the label pinned

Of vagabond, gypsy, witch

But you see in the eyes of the accuser

The fear that makes them twitch

In these different days there’s one thing

We need to accept

That being a changer is not a crime

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018

Pushing

Try pushing, cajoling

Screaming and wails

Hurl insults like boulders

To get through the day.

Try threats coated in treacle

Not subtle or sweet

You’ll wait till I’m ready

I bow at nobody’s feet.

Watch through cracks in the story

Make your own fairytale end

I can see through your mask

Don’t break and don’t bend.

I may say little to you but read

You so well

I’m wary not scared

You are but a shell.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018

The House

That’s all it ever was that place

Never referred to as home

A place holding some part

Of me or a future

But a temporary stop, a stable box

A place built only for ghosts.

Forced the words past my lips

To find they stumbled like a foreign tongue

And I knew it would hold nothing

I’d hoped and said that was enough

But the life in it couldn’t light it

With enough warmth, energy

To make something for a future

Build a world I felt happy in.

Tried to make something come true

In the empty souled place

Where nobody could find peace

And I was asked one day what it’d take

To bring light into that space

First thoughts were to burn it down

Erase everything that happened there

Leave the twisted past behind.

Not there now thank my lucky stars

But I wonder as I look in the mirror

Who was I ? Who was she?

So different that she was never me

And she lived in my house

The one that never called me to it

Couldn’t get me to believe I was home.

Ailsa

AilsaCawleyPoetry2018

The black sheep

She was the disappointing one

Who could have done better

Given her chances (insert finger wagging!)

She could have given bragging rights

But dared to follow her path

A line she forged in the dust

How dare she?

Everyone else content to toe the line

Or fly really high by , well

Towing the same line but differently

Not her

Always accused of being in the wrong

Before checking she was in the right

She rebelled in the eyes of some

And her coat became that

Of the black sheep

So long spent trying to fade the colour

Change it, do something to blend

Until one day over many drinks

She met another

Also a black sheep and they decided

That black sheep were the lucky ones

The ones who escaped

The ones who didn’t allow anything

To just happen

They made the things they wanted appear

By hard work and black sheepishness

And between them they decided

That that was just fine

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawley2018

Fooling all and none

He says he’s misunderstood and made

Into a devil of someone else’s choosing

As he fists hands and his woman bade

Face in sneering but charm oozing

Like an oily glut from his mouth.

He orders her to do something small

And it’d be easier to do himself

But he’s proving it just takes the call

For him to take precedence over herself

And she even considered dissent.

His words more chilling “she’ll learn eventually ”

To me “you all do, after you’re shown..”

Cold smile and words mock me

But eyes say loudly she you own.

I see her eyes and wonder if she’s quiet always

Or if she’s learned that silence is safe

Silence is the way to survive a day

And I’m asked later at another place

How I could stay in the house of a monster

Who thought he fooled all

But just because you choose not to see

Means only that you’ve chosen blinkers

You might not see the blood he spills

He still spills it saying it’s her, always her

She made him by whatever she didn’t do/say/think/like

He is fooling only himself

Your knowledge in silence is fooling all and none.

And he carries on knowing he has accomplices

She dreams at night of peace

No escape she will maybe see she needs to

She may leave it too late, could be you or me

Does it matter if she’s fooling all and none?

It may be all that keeps her alive.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018

Cutting deep

Hailing down upon me the words cut

Deeper than any knife and I’d rather

The blows you threatened happen

Bruises I can heal and then they’re gone

Words are far sharper weapons

Cutting deep

You don the superior spitting face

Hurling untruths that matter not if I defend

Myself or agree, your mind made up.

As I trip backwards on the stairs

Land a few feet down with your face

Cutting deep

And you speak in hushed tones of my

Misdeeds that I half wish I’d done

To say I lead a life off the leash

An invisible chain that makes me start

If a single wrong word is uttered you’ll

Cut deep

So long you did that to me

Telling everyone that could hear

What a terrible person I was to you

How badly you were done to

And I see you now and think I escaped

I escaped

No more cutting deep

That wound is there running deep

Almost healed to surface scar tissue

No more cutting deep a helpless person

A woman who loved you once

Even the monster who wounded

You cannot love have to control every little

Bit of someone else but I know you’re not

Going to cut me ever again

Never again would you be trusted not to

Try and cut me deep

After sweet words and tearful apologies

Your method is always cutting deep.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018