Wondering

He said you’re beautiful, special

Repeating it daily and I almost

Believed I could be.

Then it changed and other ghosts came to play

They joined the party, I was invisible,

Until he spotlighted me saying sweet words

That blocked out the shrivelled heart.

From love to you’re okay in a blink,

And I’m left wondering….

You told me she was perfect and that I’d not be her.

I didn’t want to be

She was beautiful leaving me standing

Unnoticed and only worth a pitiful glance

If you made time.

Determined to make me into something else

Sometimes anger dealt as if it were a game

The pain cutting deep hidden from sight

And I’m left wondering….,

Finally the wondering was done

Daylight playing in the dark crevices

Of a beaten soul with holes like Swiss cheese

But clarity in the parts left behind

She may indeed have been perfect

But refused to play your dark game

As would I had I seen through sooner

So I crawled out because I couldn’t stand

Bruised inside and out by you

Cut and almost broken by the anger wreaked

And I’m no longer wondering….

I see straight through

Straight through your game.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

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Wishing away

Wishing away

We’ve all done it before

Wished away hours, days, months.

I watch as you wish life gone

To cut short your endurance.

You chuckled like I’m still a silly child

Annoyed every word spoken is not believed.

The automatic yes of course you demanded

It brooks no questions, there are no answers.

That you can voice.

Tell the lies to yourself that all is well

Same old platitudes of being fine.

Even the ranks have closed around you

They know but won’t say

See but won’t look

Avoid my eye when answering simple things.

The barricades are up in the town where all’s well

Defences being built upon daily.

I see cracks in the veneer, a hand span

And know I’m not only a lone creature now

This black sheep that left the fold to live

But I’m a deserter whom none will hear.

As you close down your world almost announcing gleefully

That you’re closing shop, pulling shutters slowly

You know that I’m the one who can see you

And can do nothing as you fade away.

All carry on in unspoken agreement

Tiptoe around what you don’t want to see.

And carry on playing the same old game

Of everything’s wonderful in summer town.

Wishing and fading away.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Lioness

ailsacawley

Watching and drinking in the whole scene to weigh it up

Carefully prowling

Until she knows what to use precious energy on

Circling in a slow decreasing arc towards the thing in eyeline

It is not aware of her presence yet

So used is she to moving deliberately and nonchalantly that nothing

Even notices

Unless she wants to be seen

Or they have crossed her path on the wrong side

Mainly she does not roar she is unassuming, quiet even

But a chord of fear is struck when they hear her angry battle cry

Notice for the first time her teeth.

So much drank in slowly, like milkshake through a straw

Chilling her insides little by little a steady stream of ice

Till her hot anger overflowing but slowly edge her towards her target

Watch her smile as she slithers in shadow

Kill her prey ? No not her.

Breath…

View original post 52 more words

Someone to blame 

It doesn’t matter who just someone 

They’re different? Even better 

Do they look at life and death with a joy 

A world you cannot comprehend? 

And really don’t want to 

Whispers behind them, smile ahead 

Swear your mind is open and you an open book 

You fester, hatred like acid burning a hole 

In your small shrivelled heart 

Getting smaller like your mind 

Looking, you call it working to drive out 

Difference 

Try and spread your fear so they are captives 

The ones in cities, towns, villages terrified 

Of the world you’re telling them exists 

It’s not true but isn’t the bad stuff easy to believe? 

Tell them it’s dark 

Tell them it’s coming for them 

Dressed up or one of their own kind 

The evil is hidden plainly you whisper 

Like a voice from afar dripping slowly 

You will not win 

Like the schoolyard bully but willing to go further 

You can taunt, and are doing your worst 

But it’s the unknown you try to give fear of 

And it’s known, we know, we see through you 

The parlour phantom whose time is limited 

The battle is being lost in finding the one 

Some one to blame 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

In your fear 

You ignore her words given in honesty 

Fear prevents a good reply 

She asks questions because she’s interested in you 

Cares about your world 

Yet all you do is choke back fear 

She’s different you hiss,  keep away 

What is it that terrifies you so much?  

That’s she embraces new and change with a smile 

Any fear she has tucked deep inside till it’s melted 

Until strange becomes normal 

Still you shun her 

Afraid talking too much is making you think about life 

What you don’t want or more scarily 

Exactly what you do? 

Her thoughts mean your thoughts exchange 

And that would never do 

Because if she doesn’t live in fear of being her 

Then maybe neither do you 

But shun her if it’s easier and live in your fear 

Now she’s escaped the bars you embrace 

Saying I’ll never leave here 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Return to the woods

Resharing from last year….

ailsacawley

There’s not a soul around and it’s just getting light
Watery sun trying to break through
Clouds not strong enough to stop the progression
She smiles as she tethers herself
With a cord unseen to the earth beneath her feet
Wriggling toes to feel the connection
That she needs to sustain her very being
Feeling the oneness as energy sparks
A sigh escapes her lips and her shoulders
Drop to let her breathe the very essence of this other realm
Her ankles are tickled as grass reaches
Beckoning her forth be with us again it seems to say
We belong to one realm
She lies next to a gnarled tree on a carpet of leaves
Her fingers trace patterns in the bark
Rejuvenation is here in her forest retreat
The place she is centred
She will return in the morning but sighs with the wind
And makes her way back…

View original post 14 more words

Nectar goddess 

She’s a rock so she’s been told 

The granite you would lean on sharp unapproachable?

Or the marble which promises warmth if only you touch 

To radiate heat through it so sure that beneath 

It’s surface runs some sort of ichor that you alone 

Will find, set free 

Needs a good man to pierce her outer layer 

With an arrow to set free the fire within to make her warm 

Oh no she chooses to be impenetrable 

Since the hurricane which destroyed her almost 

When she decided to mask herself unless she pierces 

Her own skin by choice to show the flesh inside 

Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016