Pushing

Try pushing, cajoling

Screaming and wails

Hurl insults like boulders

To get through the day.

Try threats coated in treacle

Not subtle or sweet

You’ll wait till I’m ready

I bow at nobody’s feet.

Watch through cracks in the story

Make your own fairytale end

I can see through your mask

Don’t break and don’t bend.

I may say little to you but read

You so well

I’m wary not scared

You are but a shell.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018

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Destruction of the threat

Words dancing like squirrels feet

Scampering through my head

They go faster faster to a frantic beat

Do they lessen the sense of dread?

The words are my words

Thoughts are my thoughts

No longer like broken swords

Never again to be dulled with phrases

Such as maybe, could or ought.

You’ve misunderstood me long enough

I’ll fight until the death

The world where you threatened tough

Has ended and you misread my intent

Let me be very clear once friend

I’ve learned how to fight by stealth

This is not a quiet warning war of words

You have never seen me angry

It’s there for the times I need use it

I have gored like an angry bull

Through bigger not stopping at blood

Carrying on to destruction and only

The leftover strands of something once

Described as human

Do not keep pushing, poking, prodding

I may be a human of faith

Untethered I can become the savage animal

Who would heed your call for mercy?

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018

Blood

It’s what we share I hear you say

We have the same blood

So….we have some DNA

Is that meant to make it good?

They smile no clue what I mean

But it ties us loosely together (you said)

Now surprised you’re not seeing

Or want connections lasting forever

Know all about it they strut

It ties our lives like string

Don’t you feel it in your gut?

This deep down caveman tribal thing

I nod …like a string you say

That holds down a balloon?

Yes you have it, that’s the way

Sharp snip cuts the cords

And that’s none too soon!

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2018

Crashing storm

All around the storm bangs shaking

Everything I knew before into newness

Difficult paths ahead and I see your lips move

Lightning cracks illuminating you

As you fall away from me

My hands grasp on to nothing

You’re trying to be heard and the raging

Seems to fight your message

And you free fall bringing another voice

You both speak my name in the scene

Technicolour and I can’t do anything for you

Either of you except make sure

You’re remembered for the good

I awake screaming at your being yanked away

My fear in eyes and voice

I know you’ll speak again soon

When my turmoil is more settled

When my seas have fallen calm

When my crashing storm has passed.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2018

Gather you in

I gathered you in while falling apart

My fractures hidden from sight

Stroking, cajoling, painfully hoping

That things could heal and might

Go back as they’d been at the start.

I varnished quickly into the night

Over things that I wished not to see

Covering cracks and craters alike

With blind eyes that blamed only me.

I’d sit long nights wondering how wrong

I had gone and trawl searching the depths

Like a fishing boat out on the sea

The storm it raged inside you till it caught

My ankles and began drawing me down

And the bubbles rose from my mouth

A silent scream escaped me

I found my legs kicking wildly out of control

The shackles dissolved with every move

Freedom gained from allowing an end

To gathering you in

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2017

Powers decline

Speak loudly of it to be heard

This hatred that you hold

Nurturing as a newborn babe

Only in poisonous blanket enfold.

Tell me of the feeling that I hold of you

With words I haven’t spoken

Certain my emotion must equal or surpass your own

Sure of the power possessed and of ties unbroken.

My life you think can be only empty

If it’s different from yours

Pathetic how you see me in not needing

Or wanting to settle oldest scores.

The world it carries on moving for now

While hate filled utter curses

Repeating bile and histories wars

No lessons learned, as people burn

And power hungry despots churn

Their declining out the door.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Wishing away

We’ve all done it before

Wished away hours, days, months.

I watch as you wish life gone

To cut short your endurance.

You chuckled like I’m still a silly child

Annoyed every word spoken is not believed.

The automatic yes of course you demanded

It brooks no questions, there are no answers.

That you can voice.

Tell the lies to yourself that all is well

Same old platitudes of being fine.

Even the ranks have closed around you

They know but won’t say

See but won’t look

Avoid my eye when answering simple things.

The barricades are up in the town where all’s well

Defences being built upon daily.

I see cracks in the veneer, a hand span

And know I’m not only a lone creature now

This black sheep that left the fold to live

But I’m a deserter whom none will hear.

As you close down your world almost announcing gleefully

That you’re closing shop, pulling shutters slowly

You know that I’m the one who can see you

And can do nothing as you fade away.

All carry on in unspoken agreement

Tiptoe around what you don’t want to see.

And carry on playing the same old game

Of everything’s wonderful in summer town.

Wishing and fading away.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017