Life, my world and the latest…

Life goes in cycles they say and sometimes you look back (particularly in Autumn I find!), and assess what has happened this year and what I really want to happen.

I’m meeting up with two or three groups of friends who have changed lots of things for, and with me, in other years and this one.

Some parts of life seem to go at breakneck speed and others appear to take forever.

I am grateful for the regular (and not so..) contributions of comments and encouragement. I know I’ve neglected the blog a lot in the year. It’s been A. Busy B. I lost confidence for a time.

I’ve got things better sorted, not totally, I mean I’m just not that organised. Hopefully I’m more on it than I was before!!

Whether you comment or like or whatever, it’s always appreciated and some dark spots have been helped by kind words. Never discount that your words mean anything. They do. Really. No REALLY!! From the bottom of my heart, thank you for staying with the blog.

Ailsa ❤️

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Powers decline

Speak loudly of it to be heard

This hatred that you hold

Nurturing as a newborn babe

Only in poisonous blanket enfold.

Tell me of the feeling that I hold of you

With words I haven’t spoken

Certain my emotion must equal or surpass your own

Sure of the power possessed and of ties unbroken.

My life you think can be only empty

If it’s different from yours

Pathetic how you see me in not needing

Or wanting to settle oldest scores.

The world it carries on moving for now

While hate filled utter curses

Repeating bile and histories wars

No lessons learned, as people burn

And power hungry despots churn

Their declining out the door.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Wondering

He said you’re beautiful, special

Repeating it daily and I almost

Believed I could be.

Then it changed and other ghosts came to play

They joined the party, I was invisible,

Until he spotlighted me saying sweet words

That blocked out the shrivelled heart.

From love to you’re okay in a blink,

And I’m left wondering….

You told me she was perfect and that I’d not be her.

I didn’t want to be

She was beautiful leaving me standing

Unnoticed and only worth a pitiful glance

If you made time.

Determined to make me into something else

Sometimes anger dealt as if it were a game

The pain cutting deep hidden from sight

And I’m left wondering….,

Finally the wondering was done

Daylight playing in the dark crevices

Of a beaten soul with holes like Swiss cheese

But clarity in the parts left behind

She may indeed have been perfect

But refused to play your dark game

As would I had I seen through sooner

So I crawled out because I couldn’t stand

Bruised inside and out by you

Cut and almost broken by the anger wreaked

And I’m no longer wondering….

I see straight through

Straight through your game.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Wishing away

Wishing away

We’ve all done it before

Wished away hours, days, months.

I watch as you wish life gone

To cut short your endurance.

You chuckled like I’m still a silly child

Annoyed every word spoken is not believed.

The automatic yes of course you demanded

It brooks no questions, there are no answers.

That you can voice.

Tell the lies to yourself that all is well

Same old platitudes of being fine.

Even the ranks have closed around you

They know but won’t say

See but won’t look

Avoid my eye when answering simple things.

The barricades are up in the town where all’s well

Defences being built upon daily.

I see cracks in the veneer, a hand span

And know I’m not only a lone creature now

This black sheep that left the fold to live

But I’m a deserter whom none will hear.

As you close down your world almost announcing gleefully

That you’re closing shop, pulling shutters slowly

You know that I’m the one who can see you

And can do nothing as you fade away.

All carry on in unspoken agreement

Tiptoe around what you don’t want to see.

And carry on playing the same old game

Of everything’s wonderful in summer town.

Wishing and fading away.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017