Disappearing

Hidden from view as you are

Wrapped up in cloth that shields you

From your own deepest thoughts

Afraid to face the haunted places

Locked away in your minds attic.

Tell everyone you can justify

Every word, thought, deed, action

And you believe the stories you sell

Like two bit replicas on street corners

That fall apart under scrutiny.

Your eyes grow more hooded

Sharp only with suspicion of all

That cross your path unaware

Of what lies beneath the facade

Do you even exist in that husk?

A spectre has taken over anything

There once might have been

And you invited it to eat you whole

Devour your soul with pleasure

Pride all that remains of humanity

Alone in your shell you’re happily

Watching yourself

Watching

Who was

Disappearing

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

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Gather you in

Gather you in

I gathered you in while falling apart

My fractures hidden from sight

Stroking, cajoling, painfully hoping

That things could heal and might

Go back as they’d been at the start.

I varnished quickly into the night

Over things that I wished not to see

Covering cracks and craters alike

With blind eyes that blamed only me.

I’d sit long nights wondering how wrong

I had gone and trawl searching the depths

Like a fishing boat out on the sea

The storm it raged inside you till it caught

My ankles and began drawing me down

And the bubbles rose from my mouth

A silent scream escaped me

I found my legs kicking wildly out of control

The shackles dissolved with every move

Freedom gained from allowing an end

To gathering you in

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2017

Your game

You smiled knowing your message

was one designed to cut me,

in your eyes, strong versus weak.

And you would win for sure.

Peppering honeyed tones with barbs

destined to hurt and destroy,

you’d be victor, rigid versus pliant

And you would win for sure.

Didn’t tear strips with razor blades

but tried to bend and break me,

you’d be puppeteer making me dance

And you would win for sure.

I’d say I’m sorry it wasn’t how you imagined

The game would play, but I’m not.

I found your bubble is self created

You’re terrified I’ll win for sure.

In case you’re in doubt I don’t do competitions

To be popularity plus

Wake up and get past your fears

Life isn’t meant to be a drama

With people playing bit parts

Nor is it how skilfully worn your armour

As you aim for someone’s heart.

I can play the game but I’ve opted out

You can carry it on with someone else

But don’t be surprised if they know what you’re about

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Jack

He’s back, back that gentleman Jack,

Springing into action once more

Lithe and bowing low

Blue flames he does blow

Fiery eyes burning to your core

He’s back, back the gentleman Jack

Be wary of his charm

As he links your arm

Binding you in his spell

Till he can return you to new Hell

He’s back, back that trickster Jack

Have you seen him?

Would you even know?

Be careful now he’s back

Whisper his name Spring Heeled Jack

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Overflow

It’s dripping like a leaking tap

Into an old sink

Plink, plink, plop

Watch it filling over weeks, months

Drop of worry here

Splash of anxiety there

A potent salty cocktail

Built on volatility and fear

The dam sets up to burst.

When it’s time will you know?

No holding back the wave

As I’m overcome with the flow

I feel the overflow explosion

Words tumble out

Tripping over everything in the world

The salt is stifling my breath

And I sob like a child

Feel like a fool

As I am overcome

Until it has had it’s way

And left me a broken wreck

On the floor

Ailsa

©AilsaCawley2017

Powers decline

Speak loudly of it to be heard

This hatred that you hold

Nurturing as a newborn babe

Only in poisonous blanket enfold.

Tell me of the feeling that I hold of you

With words I haven’t spoken

Certain my emotion must equal or surpass your own

Sure of the power possessed and of ties unbroken.

My life you think can be only empty

If it’s different from yours

Pathetic how you see me in not needing

Or wanting to settle oldest scores.

The world it carries on moving for now

While hate filled utter curses

Repeating bile and histories wars

No lessons learned, as people burn

And power hungry despots churn

Their declining out the door.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Wondering

He said you’re beautiful, special

Repeating it daily and I almost

Believed I could be.

Then it changed and other ghosts came to play

They joined the party, I was invisible,

Until he spotlighted me saying sweet words

That blocked out the shrivelled heart.

From love to you’re okay in a blink,

And I’m left wondering….

You told me she was perfect and that I’d not be her.

I didn’t want to be

She was beautiful leaving me standing

Unnoticed and only worth a pitiful glance

If you made time.

Determined to make me into something else

Sometimes anger dealt as if it were a game

The pain cutting deep hidden from sight

And I’m left wondering….,

Finally the wondering was done

Daylight playing in the dark crevices

Of a beaten soul with holes like Swiss cheese

But clarity in the parts left behind

She may indeed have been perfect

But refused to play your dark game

As would I had I seen through sooner

So I crawled out because I couldn’t stand

Bruised inside and out by you

Cut and almost broken by the anger wreaked

And I’m no longer wondering….

I see straight through

Straight through your game.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017