Stillness

She sat there drinking them in. Watching, smiling, nodding, speaking but deliberately not leading.It was a defence mechanism. Taken back to days long ago when her views, dreams and stories were considered stupid or childish.

First she learned to be quieter, and for a while she thought occasionally she was safe, until the words she cast out were spat back on a haze of alcohol and abuse. The stories and verses were burned or binned, because that’s what happens to trash. See?

Foolishly, when she’d thought he believed in her, she gave him a story to read. Since then, daily she’d become a little quieter, a little less herself. One day she realised she wasn’t sure who she was anymore.

That was the day she walked away. She left with less than she arrived with in belongings. Inside, she left with strength, determination to do what she had to, wanted to. Most of all she left with stillness. No longer a racing mind. No longer a terror of the key in the door. No more threats or delivery of nasty surprises to keep her “on her toes”. He awoke her strength hidden deeply away. He unwittingly gave her stillness. He kept everything they had so she could keep her stillness.

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2020

High

The persona that you projected

I am up here on high and bear your presence

I will grit my teeth to see gratitude

Spewing out of you and I remain high

Lofty, above you, and someone to aspire to

Accepting all adulation with a wave

Expect you to fall at my feet and you will.

Your world depends upon who sees you as special

Who will do anything to please you

Fawn over you and into line

Like little tin soldiers you watch from on high.

Apparently I dissented in the ranks

Fell out before I was told to go

Oh I can see all the cracks, chinks in armour

I’d rather be here on the outside

Than there on your fake high

Wondering how far it’s going to be

On the way down to the bottom.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2020

The stuff inside

Inside I know so much about things

But people see a person wasted

I’m in turmoil as I try to get through

Knowing what I know about myself

Knowing what people think of me.

Some look and turn away

From the person they’re sure they know

Judge me on my exterior facade

It’s tough and harder by the day

Keeping a mask in place for you all.

Some people just see the man underneath

But most see someone they’re scared of being

Like my life, hurt is contagious

Cross the road he’s coming

Dodge him or you catch his plague

I’m still battling my demons and I might lose

If I don’t have the people who will pass

The time of day and let me know

They see me really see me

Not the damn bogeyman out to get them.

I don’t expect your help I’m a man in turmoil

And we’re supposed to just deal with it.

I can’t. I can’t.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2020

Bright one

Blessings to you from the earth

This Brigids day morning

Dawn of the new day

And new season has sprung.

Blessings to you from the wind

On which your poetry carries

Far and wide, land to land.

Watching over the people who see

That the maiden breathes warm air

Over flowers for land

Be they edible or medicine

Blessings from the bright one

Brigid sends blessings among you

As water runs clear and cool

The babies will come now winter ends

All hail Brigid bringing her blessings

To you bright one.

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2020

If you can’t say something nice

I have the words ringing in my head

Words I’ve tried to live by

If you can’t say something nice then

Don’t say anything at all.

Yet ricocheting round inside is the glee

That dripped from your voice

As you remind me that this time

You’re in with the cool kids

That you were always desperate to join

A game of who has one upmanship

You say that you’re doing a charitable act

Of friendship for someone else

All you want is to pass the gossip on

And to say I was there because I am more

Than you like I always was.

I’m not surprised at the snub it’s not important

It’s your pleasure that cut more deeply

Yet you’ve not got a clue

Or maybe you have.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2020

Solstice walks

Solstice walks

Solstice is making her escape

A clean break

As she thaws the land

Preparing the land for future

Generations of footprints trail

Through the powdered snow

That lie on the ground

Icing sugar white preparing

To thaw as her coat tails

Brush them aside for spring

To start her colourful dance.

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2019

#Three words challenge #y’swords

Footprints, Icing, escape

The Muse

The Muse

Iridescence, voluptuous, careen 3 words challenge

She lies on the chaise aware of his eyes

Voluptuous yet feeling conspicuous

Her nudity almost complete

A vague smile says she’s awaiting censure

He is watching yet probing gaze

Making her feel beautiful yet she knows

This painting will come to an end.

He concentrates trying to capture her eyes

They radiate iridescence blue, green, grey

And still he sees her beauty stills him

She’s unaware, self conscious, pinkened

His scrutiny almost clinical

As he feels he’s likely to careen towards her

Telling her she sparkles with beauty.

She is his muse. He wants her to stay.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2019

Avoiding the obvious

Avoiding the obvious

Indigence, bemoan, accountable 3 words challenge

Swagger and stomp wave your arms

Tell everyone you are in charge

I’ve got it all in hand my friends and

Bemoan the ones who call you out.

When asked what you will do to improve

The lives of those in need

You fall into the pose,martyr to your cause

Wail don’t hold me accountable

It’s hardly my fault if there’s money

For the rich that daddy earned

By being positively certain to keep

The custom of my forefathers to ensure

Indigence a thing for the poor.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2019

#3wordspoetrychallenge #poetry #instapoetry #rhymingwords #nonrhymingwords #rhymingpoems #nonrhymingpoems #poetrychallenge

Door to before

I look out on the rich landscape

Hills rolling and glens changed

The map of times hands have moved

once more

My spine tingling in anticipation

Of what I do not know

See the remains of a home

long empty

The place where the door was shimmers

Light more prominent than anywhere

As I explore this living map

In a past I have chosen to return to

But filling me with a new sensation

Where futures merge with past.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2019

#3words #Y’s Words.

The charm

Sat in the boat moonlight flickers

Hauling at the oars

My young years the reason I’m given

The work of the donkey

Seventeen is what I told them

No soul here knows me

shall keep it so till the sea leaves my blood.

We row till my arms are screaming in pain

Begging for rest and warmth

I need to do this for proof of a life

A secret to know when I’m old that I did

Something different even for a while

Lucky that I’m tall for thirteen

As we load our shipwreck spoils to sell

No bodies were there no man harmed

I shiver in relief and grin

Lad, you can go when we hit the downs

And don’t turn back will you?

Our secret is not yours to have yet you see?

I nod and give a gruff reply

Race away across the beach and up

Into the sands hood pulled up breath ragged

starting to slow now I know I did it

They didn’t even guess they had a bad luck charm

They took a girl to sea.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry 2019

#Y’sWords. #poetryprompt #DavidBeaverArt