Stepping forth in her armour she felt invincible
Her resolve not to be broken
The looks on their faces were shocked
Astonished at her audacity
That she’d not done what was expected
Her face cleared of the usual paint
Sleek hair left to be wild and exuberant
Suddenly in her nakedness she felt it
Powerful, in control
Their shock at her being as she wanted
No heels, paint, sleek dress just her
Armour plated by being naked
She stared them down when they demanded
Smile pretty lady it’s not the end of the world
Yeah? She replied it is.
She sat there drinking them in. Watching, smiling, nodding, speaking but deliberately not leading.It was a defence mechanism. Taken back to days long ago when her views, dreams and stories were considered stupid or childish.
First she learned to be quieter, and for a while she thought occasionally she was safe, until the words she cast out were spat back on a haze of alcohol and abuse. The stories and verses were burned or binned, because that’s what happens to trash. See?
Foolishly, when she’d thought he believed in her, she gave him a story to read. Since then, daily she’d become a little quieter, a little less herself. One day she realised she wasn’t sure who she was anymore.
That was the day she walked away. She left with less than she arrived with in belongings. Inside, she left with strength, determination to do what she had to, wanted to. Most of all she left with stillness. No longer a racing mind. No longer a terror of the key in the door. No more threats or delivery of nasty surprises to keep her “on her toes”. He awoke her strength hidden deeply away. He unwittingly gave her stillness. He kept everything they had so she could keep her stillness.
The persona that you projected
I am up here on high and bear your presence
I will grit my teeth to see gratitude
Spewing out of you and I remain high
Lofty, above you, and someone to aspire to
Accepting all adulation with a wave
Expect you to fall at my feet and you will.
Your world depends upon who sees you as special
Who will do anything to please you
Fawn over you and into line
Like little tin soldiers you watch from on high.
Apparently I dissented in the ranks
Fell out before I was told to go
Oh I can see all the cracks, chinks in armour
I’d rather be here on the outside
Than there on your fake high
Wondering how far it’s going to be
On the way down to the bottom.