The corners of me 

You told me to shave off the corner to the left 
Then I’d fit in no big deal 
Throw away the colour and mute the sparkle 

Lie quietly in shade unnoticed because it was you 

They were interested in, you who shone 

You shaved the corner away leaving me the scraps 

In a heap on the floor so I’d tidy up the mess 

Next corner took more work resistance had built 

With hacking here and there you removed it 

Smiling satisfied with your victory over the darned edges 

You were smoothing as you pointed out 

Where you decided I would fit soon 

Couple more corners and some sanding 

For the square to become a smooth circle 

Transition simple if only I’d not fight against your wisdom 

People would admire what you made of me 

In your creatorship status except 

Something had hit that nerve so it was raw 

Exposed enough for rebellion 

And I fought quietly till I found my voice 

The glue stuck the corners back so I’d never fit 

Into that space you wanted for me to inhabit 

Edges sharper than I remembered as I fought 

And brought myself back from the brink 

Of fitting in where I filled a space but couldn’t belong 



An outward look in

She watches and finds the anger that festered yesterday 

Has blurred to a haze and knows 

People look at her thinking she’s trusting, stupid even 

For letting things go and drift away on the tides 

Out with the waves leaving a memory as water on sand 

Impressions not to be forgotten 

They nod, smile and shake their heads at her allowance 

Of the bad things but don’t tear the perpetrators apart 

She lets it lie for her sake, for peace 

Or their wishes would come true 

And the only person torn apart would be herself 

Eaten up by hatred which she cannot hold onto 

Her freedom is knowing she can walk away 

They are trapped not she and she smiles 



You try so hard too hard to make me hate you

And I can’t because you see nothing is 

Worth the sense I once had 

Like battery acid churning eating my flesh 

Hot in my veins instead of blood 

I am angry at the things you discard 

Careless, callous 

Without thought that this time you might lose forever 

Something unique which others crave 

Like the drowning man desires air 

Still I don’t hate for the veneer has set 

And life tells me you had your chances only they 

Were never enough 

Nothing ever is for you and that was the lesson 

Some never get past the hatred to say it 

But you are how you are 

I can see you chewed up inside and filled with it 

Filled with the hate that will consume you 

But you think is a life force 



This place to go that place to see 

For many a year asked what she wants to be 

Never an answer for it brought raised brows 

Live in real life, remember now 

So she stopped answering and buried the dreams 

Under the rocks at the bottom of the stream 

One day a person who understood everything 

Said dig up the fear and let yourself sing 

The language, song, rhythm, cadence 

Only to you have to make sense 

She waited and thought of how this could be 

I can’t do this reckless thing only for me 

So she started in secret writing scraps of her heart 

And hiding them carefully because they’re not art 

What it took her a while to accept 

Was to give herself freedom from the prison she kept 


Cup of healing poison 

Sip by sip from the poisoned chalice she takes the dreaded drink 

Knowing what it does but unable to stop 

It’s like a fire burning out of control and this is kill or be killed 

So she’s chosen to take chances with slow pain 

Something tells her whispering in her ear that’s the only chance 

Her hand quavers slightly as her smile shines 

No one shall see and she is ready to crawl away hiding as it attacks 

The fire is intense, powerful and consuming 

As she decides to take the last of it at a glug knowing 

Her last breath could come after this swallow 

She lays down to sleep like the dead, be the dead ready now 

And as she feels herself drifting 

Watching herself from afar her acceptance is final 

Her motto it is what it is ringing in her ears 

Sees a tiny shrivelled part 

Not a heart for she feels it beat louder and stronger than ever 

To herself she advances picking up the knotted cord 

As it collapses to dust on her fingers 

The girl on the floor awakes and walks into her shadow as she hears 

Welcome back welcome back lost one  

But it tasted so bitter and it was poisoned she thinks 

The voice replies this was your restorative like a cleansing pool

It was to wash you free of hurt 

You have to feel to remove hurt and it is now dust 

A fresh beginning is yours to take 

Be as a Phoenix and rise strong but gentle as the healing waters 

The past is gone, it is but dust. 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

%d bloggers like this: