Category: grief

Crashing storm

All around the storm bangs shaking

Everything I knew before into newness

Difficult paths ahead and I see your lips move

Lightning cracks illuminating you

As you fall away from me

My hands grasp on to nothing

You’re trying to be heard and the raging

Seems to fight your message

And you free fall bringing another voice

You both speak my name in the scene

Technicolour and I can’t do anything for you

Either of you except make sure

You’re remembered for the good

I awake screaming at your being yanked away

My fear in eyes and voice

I know you’ll speak again soon

When my turmoil is more settled

When my seas have fallen calm

When my crashing storm has passed.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2018

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Stardust rising

My own small tribute to the inimitable David Bowie

And he fell to earth this stardust man
To help us find the way
Of moving forward beyond prejudice
But for more than just one day
Kept telling us to be our own heroes
Has anyone listened to his message yet
How many more clues do we have to get?
Showed us we can change the visage
Even the essence of who we are
This man who asked if there was life on Mars
Reinventing himself without any fear
Proof he was always going to keep learning
All the way through this Lazarus kept returning
You know that he’ll never go beyond those stars
See him shining there this man of stardust
Of powder,  paint and circus clown
Telling you all to see if you must
The difference an open mind makes and heart to match
Read the message that goes with the pictures
And thank you Star Man for your chapter
Neverending. Nevermore.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Almost time

It’s almost that time, etched on my brain when memories dance 

I tell myself to concentrate on only the things of the distant past 

But everywhere has the same song on play that reminds me of you 

The words that up to now meant something slightly deeper than a Yule song 

But this year the pot inside me they stir and they churn 

Tears at my eyes keep tinkling and burning 

I want to switch off

But I make myself listen 

And I’ll sing the line that makes me cry all over again, again

Sending wishes on feathers through the air to you 

As you did to me 

I am pulling the threads of the cloak to keep warm 

Feeling the chill of your loss deep 

I carry you in my soul a corner that’s yours forever 

People ask if you could be replaced or just put aside in time 

Why would I remove you 

I am as much a part of you now as I ever was 

My soul misses yours,  we shared hopes and dreams 

And I still talk as I did telling you of all the days, 

Smiles and tears in equal amounts 

One day I know more happiness will flow but for now I just allow 

What I need to come out 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Would you walk?

Would you walk by my side with a guiding hand?
Hold fast as the darkness pulls my coat tails taking me down
Would you shine a light just enough to show the path
But not enough to force me to abandon my heart
Which is slowly getting used to a different tomorrow
A one where I live in a land I don’t want to understand
I will because it’s inevitable
But now,  well now my friend you are by my side
I can look forward,  with the help of my guide
You stay asking nothing in return for your care
And it’s this that comforts me as I travel on the way
It’s with your strength I have gone from darkened rooms
I can now glimpse a clearer brighter day
The world as I knew it has changed evermore
But your hand upon my shoulder
With barely a word spoken
Your strength more apparent than even you can know
My way ahead now showing some sign of things to come
Not once did I have to ask the question or wonder where to go
Because my unnecessary question of you was answered
Before I asked
My friend I know that whatever problems arise
You beside me walk

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Our position

You stand there telling the world our position
Maybe it’s what you believe
Though I see you desperate for your day in the sun
With a chance to write your own history books
You in the heroes robes
Do you star in your own little daydreams?
Wearing ermine,  furs and the like
While your hand is itching to slam on the button
Do you see the sorrow you’ll cause in a far off land
Or is it merely a button to strike
I am saddened,  hurt, angry and more
That you have chosen this in my name
There are real lives at risk not tin soldiers who can live again
So awake from the dream you’re no conquering hero
And did they ever exist at all
Wake up become wise and use sense and compassion
Instead of leading the world into war

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Where have we gone?

When we look first at a man’s religion to decide if he matters
When the colour of his skin arouses suspicion or hate
Where have we gone?
When will we open our eyes and see how we can accept
When will we learn every difference doesn’t mean reject
Where have we gone?
Straying down paths fuelled by bile and hate
Chasing down pathways someone lesser to bait
Where have we gone?
This human decency we all swear to our gods that we have
That we’ll care for the next man if he’s proven to be without a life too grave
Where have we gone?
That we alienate all because who knows if
They will be that person who will help us be human and live
When will we come back and see
It’s time to move forward world as a unified we.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Seeing your face

I see you in my dreams and wake with you gone
Feel your breath close by my face
Hear phrases you utter unexpectedly
So much so that I look for you
Sometimes
Convinced I will see you
Though I don’t
Whirling round as you were there at the corners of my vision
But never quick enough never damned quick enough
To catch you properly
Before
You scooted away again like a child playing hide and seek
One day
I’ll be faster or you’ll be slower
And it won’t just be in my dreams but you’ll be
There
Close enough to touch
And I will be seeing your face
One day.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Remembrance

Your memories are safe here enshrined at the door
Of which we nod with gratitude and thanks evermore
We may not know a loved one lost in the fight you fought
But hearts thank you for bravery given without a second thought
You gave your lives for future freedom you may never see
But that of the children at home you’d never bounce upon your knee
Our poppy it is worn with your sacrifice in mind
Of the lives you left at home and wives you left behind
You did it all with love and justice beating in your hearts
A better world you could see if we could only start
So now in the poppy fields where wildest blooms do grow
Should we not show that in the driest earth love can surely grow?
We must always remember your willingness to die
But the underlying reason for future generations to have less reason to cry.
Please respect these wishes for a free world and try again
Before we inflict upon our children more horror death or pain.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Heat of light.

#nationalpoetryday 2015

I thought it would be pure emptiness
When you went to the otherworld
But I went into your room
Just a momentary pause in the day
And I felt it,  filling me from feet up
Warm, glowing white light
The purest light a love can offer
And I am forever blessed
In dark days I can dig deep
For the candle you placed there
I shall be forever grateful for it.
Thankyou for the white pure love light

Ailsa

And I will look for you

I will walk the beaches very soon, wild and windy as they are

Watch the waves as they crash the pier into quiet submission

Remember the stories of when you were a boy free as a bird

Look at the sun as it drops below the horizon as always

And I will look for you

I will wander the lands I feel your presence beating like a heartbeat

Where the thrumming of the earth burbles like your laughter

And the wind whips around me holding me steadily

Hear stories of adventure you told all from your own mind

I will look for you

Listening and learning your words by heart and tears flowing down

In peaceful solitude I can only think of you

Your voice spoken in dreams or by angels and others

I get used to you not being here, now

I know someday you’ll come to collect me and I have to be patient

Until then, I can do nothing other

Than keep on looking for you