Month: December 2015

Happy New Year!!!

I want to wish you all a very Happy and healthy 2016. This has for me been a year of change, and this is something I hope carries on into next year. 

It’s been in 2015 a year of huge difference to my life, which began with the slow process of accepting a goodbye, or the way I see it, an au revoir for now. 

  I decided to go back to my writing to help the churning mind, which hasn’t stopped (why did I think it might?!!), but with the help of some very good friends, some who gently nudged, others who pushed me with the brute force of both hands, over the precipice of fear, and into starting a blog to post my scribblings. Never was I more glad of doing something for me, just because. 

For those of you who have liked, commented and encouraged me along the way, I thank you wholeheartedly . For those who want to, do please! 

Finally, stealing the words of the wonderful Neil Gaiman, 
  
Have a happy, healthy, prosperous, 2016 in a way you make it yours. I wish you good cheer and 🍸🍸🍻🎉 raise a glass to you my friends.

Much love

Ailsa ❤️

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Unmasking the gift

Quietly calm and willing to give of herself
There is no limit to the support offered
Never been told the credit limit is reached
A top up required
A repayment due
To those who are within her circle of trust
Holding up the walls around her hear the selected moments
The times she shares her side
Not just soaking up their troubles like an oily rag
Now? 
She is allowing herself to think and be free
Giving still many a gift
But today she acquiesced that it’s really alright
To need rest
Ask for a hand to hold
In the twilight,  midnight,  darkness
Hell she is deserving and so worth it all
Filled to the brim now her knowing expands
Her learning or her staying will show things
In a wondrous three dimensional way
And she will be thankful for it all now
Her beauty
The type she sees as normal
Has just grown wings to make her fly high
Do I know her?……

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Peace within the storm

It rages picking up throwing things
Whistling at windows as an angry wasp
Banging
On doors and walls
I’m coming in it’s telling you laughingly
But only when I decide to enter
Cower at my majestic work now my dears
Hurling rain like missiles to break the strongest
And the weak will follow it laughs
Which are you?
And as the lights dim and flicker like fairy lights
I feel a sense wrapping me in it’s blanket
A kind of peace that rolls through me
The details don’t matter
Something bigger has taken the control of everything
I yield to it happily as I can only breathe
Give it my full attention
My gratitude overflows at it’s wild gift

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Stepping in to time

She steps in,  out,  forward around anything to not speak
Deep in the depths is that hidden away hazelnut
The one with the curse inside
Sometimes she dares herself to pour the secret out
Like a cup of molten chocolate thick and gooey
No longer worried about neat edges
Because it may spill everywhere
How much longer before she cracks the nut and it all
EXPLODES!!
And what then, what happens?
She sighs and watches while she lets the steam escape
Tamp it down a little longer
Forcing the lid on her secret self and making her lips smile
Because she is afraid of something
Herself
She’s getting sick of smiling in the face of her rage
Playing the role corrupt as it is
The nutshell has cracks and she is breaking free
When she is unleashed heaven help you for her storm breaking
Could bring your destruction

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Almost time

It’s almost that time, etched on my brain when memories dance 

I tell myself to concentrate on only the things of the distant past 

But everywhere has the same song on play that reminds me of you 

The words that up to now meant something slightly deeper than a Yule song 

But this year the pot inside me they stir and they churn 

Tears at my eyes keep tinkling and burning 

I want to switch off

But I make myself listen 

And I’ll sing the line that makes me cry all over again, again

Sending wishes on feathers through the air to you 

As you did to me 

I am pulling the threads of the cloak to keep warm 

Feeling the chill of your loss deep 

I carry you in my soul a corner that’s yours forever 

People ask if you could be replaced or just put aside in time 

Why would I remove you 

I am as much a part of you now as I ever was 

My soul misses yours,  we shared hopes and dreams 

And I still talk as I did telling you of all the days, 

Smiles and tears in equal amounts 

One day I know more happiness will flow but for now I just allow 

What I need to come out 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Would you walk?

ailsacawley

Would you walk by my side with a guiding hand?
Hold fast as the darkness pulls my coat tails taking me down
Would you shine a light just enough to show the path
But not enough to force me to abandon my heart
Which is slowly getting used to a different tomorrow
A one where I live in a land I don’t want to understand
I will because it’s inevitable
But now, well now my friend you are by my side
I can look forward, with the help of my guide
You stay asking nothing in return for your care
And it’s this that comforts me as I travel on the way
It’s with your strength I have gone from darkened rooms
I can now glimpse a clearer brighter day
The world as I knew it has changed evermore
But your hand upon my shoulder
With barely a word spoken

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Would you walk?

Would you walk by my side with a guiding hand?
Hold fast as the darkness pulls my coat tails taking me down
Would you shine a light just enough to show the path
But not enough to force me to abandon my heart
Which is slowly getting used to a different tomorrow
A one where I live in a land I don’t want to understand
I will because it’s inevitable
But now,  well now my friend you are by my side
I can look forward,  with the help of my guide
You stay asking nothing in return for your care
And it’s this that comforts me as I travel on the way
It’s with your strength I have gone from darkened rooms
I can now glimpse a clearer brighter day
The world as I knew it has changed evermore
But your hand upon my shoulder
With barely a word spoken
Your strength more apparent than even you can know
My way ahead now showing some sign of things to come
Not once did I have to ask the question or wonder where to go
Because my unnecessary question of you was answered
Before I asked
My friend I know that whatever problems arise
You beside me walk

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Faithless 

The words you speak tell me I am faithless 

That I hold my head aloft to the skies in fabulous pretence 

And I look to piles of rust, not shining icons ahead 

But I have looked through and past your little ruse now 

I look above, beyond so I don’t feel compelled to look at your twisted countenance 

Which sees someone they know nothing of except a wishful longing 

Of who they’d be if……. 

And remains perplexed that my mettle can bend but not break 

So yes I am as you say faithless utterly faithless 

Gasp as you wish

The reason I am as I am is you 

You tried to keep my faith by breaking me apart 

And succeeded only in creating something stronger in its place 

Faithless I am, peaceful I shall stay
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

What is it they see?

As she glances away from the looking glass to be

Anyone else than whom they imagine they see

Her mind it plays all these things in her head

What if,  for instance,  this is all let’s pretend?

The smiles were fake but the laughter was real

They don’t even like me and I know it’s true what I feel

And other people have friends but I missed out on this page

Should I have been someone who changed to suit the age

I can’t register all the same things that they do

My thoughts on things stay more constant and true

Must I keep up with fashion and trends

If all I want is a few trusted friends?  

Turning again and looking into the glass

Her eyes like grey flint harden at last

Who else can I be she’s resolved to herself

Than the original intended even if it’s only myself.  

How long did it take to come to this decision?

Many long years and so much derision

Now standing proud and holding herself up straighter

To herself she’s now true and no longer the traitor.

 

Ailsa

© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

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