Disappearing

Hidden from view as you are

Wrapped up in cloth that shields you

From your own deepest thoughts

Afraid to face the haunted places

Locked away in your minds attic.

Tell everyone you can justify

Every word, thought, deed, action

And you believe the stories you sell

Like two bit replicas on street corners

That fall apart under scrutiny.

Your eyes grow more hooded

Sharp only with suspicion of all

That cross your path unaware

Of what lies beneath the facade

Do you even exist in that husk?

A spectre has taken over anything

There once might have been

And you invited it to eat you whole

Devour your soul with pleasure

Pride all that remains of humanity

Alone in your shell you’re happily

Watching yourself

Watching

Who was

Disappearing

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

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Your game

You smiled knowing your message

was one designed to cut me,

in your eyes, strong versus weak.

And you would win for sure.

Peppering honeyed tones with barbs

destined to hurt and destroy,

you’d be victor, rigid versus pliant

And you would win for sure.

Didn’t tear strips with razor blades

but tried to bend and break me,

you’d be puppeteer making me dance

And you would win for sure.

I’d say I’m sorry it wasn’t how you imagined

The game would play, but I’m not.

I found your bubble is self created

You’re terrified I’ll win for sure.

In case you’re in doubt I don’t do competitions

To be popularity plus

Wake up and get past your fears

Life isn’t meant to be a drama

With people playing bit parts

Nor is it how skilfully worn your armour

As you aim for someone’s heart.

I can play the game but I’ve opted out

You can carry it on with someone else

But don’t be surprised if they know what you’re about

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Overflow

It’s dripping like a leaking tap

Into an old sink

Plink, plink, plop

Watch it filling over weeks, months

Drop of worry here

Splash of anxiety there

A potent salty cocktail

Built on volatility and fear

The dam sets up to burst.

When it’s time will you know?

No holding back the wave

As I’m overcome with the flow

I feel the overflow explosion

Words tumble out

Tripping over everything in the world

The salt is stifling my breath

And I sob like a child

Feel like a fool

As I am overcome

Until it has had it’s way

And left me a broken wreck

On the floor

Ailsa

©AilsaCawley2017

Wishing away

Wishing away

We’ve all done it before

Wished away hours, days, months.

I watch as you wish life gone

To cut short your endurance.

You chuckled like I’m still a silly child

Annoyed every word spoken is not believed.

The automatic yes of course you demanded

It brooks no questions, there are no answers.

That you can voice.

Tell the lies to yourself that all is well

Same old platitudes of being fine.

Even the ranks have closed around you

They know but won’t say

See but won’t look

Avoid my eye when answering simple things.

The barricades are up in the town where all’s well

Defences being built upon daily.

I see cracks in the veneer, a hand span

And know I’m not only a lone creature now

This black sheep that left the fold to live

But I’m a deserter whom none will hear.

As you close down your world almost announcing gleefully

That you’re closing shop, pulling shutters slowly

You know that I’m the one who can see you

And can do nothing as you fade away.

All carry on in unspoken agreement

Tiptoe around what you don’t want to see.

And carry on playing the same old game

Of everything’s wonderful in summer town.

Wishing and fading away.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Give all, leave nothing 

Give me this, I’m taking that your shrill call cuts 

The air sliced into rough edges 

Hewn jaggedly from unexpected demands 

On time, people, life, AIR! 

You split things up to gain your way 

Crying tears that utter apology but are bitter 

At being caught out and not winning the battle 

That was in the bag , wasn’t it? 

Nobody cleverer you utter 

A vain tattoo beating on the wind 

As backs turn and the lock clangs 

Heart door swinging shut for the last time 

Leaving you in the cold night 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

The Attic 

There’s something here that you keep telling me to find 

Not with words but imagery 

Apparently I’ll know it when I see it 

The walls so old and dusty that I  barely see paper on the walls 

Smell of old books rising from boxes long neglected 

All here dumped, forgotten, dusty and old  

Scrub at the walls to reveal a rich ruby pattern on once cream 

Was this a haven for someone? 

It feels like it could become one if the boxes are moved 

Just stacked elsewhere here not taken away 

I see the space is huge,  beams above my head 

A threadbare carpet covering the floor and a shaft of light 

From where? Following the line find a tiny window painted in dark colour 

The rejected here was also protected I muse 

Beauty hidden in old boxes, a dirty wooden trunk 

Carved symbols and initials are waiting to be unveiled 

Will I ever leave this room? 

I have needed to return to a place I can’t recall seeing 

But it’s like a hazy memory 

I can only leave when it’s all tidily boxed away 

Rearranged like the protective armour that stops 

The past from invading the future 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Stardust 

Come O fearful one 

Closer to the edge of new beginnings 

Shuffle forward if your feet 

Refuse to boldly stride ahead 

Worry not that you progress slowly 

Promise yourself only motion speed comes later 

Steps will sometimes be sideways 

Acknowledge backward as only a direction 

You wish not to travel 

Look back only to discover your next step 

And assure you you are still going forward 

Don’t tell yourself it’s not fast enough for them 

If it satisfies you 

Push the edges of your world to expand 

To radiate 

Burst forth with your passion your fire 

Heart not afraid at steps over the edge 

As you take the leap you have to 

You are now free to dazzle and shine 

Like the stardust creature you are 

JUMP!! 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017