Little tin man

It pours slowly and carefully on the place

You tried to say was a heart of good

Malicious skeletal grin on a face

Rusty metal box that passes for a heart

Purring out a faint drumbeat

A-v-a-r-i-c-e. A-v-a-r-i-c-e. A-v-a-r-i-c-e.

Words clatter forth telling of broken lives

Who were you to do anything?

Who were you to change something?

Leave it to the rest with perfect worlds

That you tell yourself they live in

A way to accept no responsibility

For the destruction that you’ve caused

Because it’s always someone else’s fault

You ask me to do it, beg me

End it all because you have misery

And I look at the acid that bubbles beside me

Pour only the water as ask for venom

To burn out the golden heart you say is there

All I see is rust, nothing gold even the hair

It’s dirty with the acts you carried out

And however much I’d love to see you scream

I won’t.

I’ll let your greed and the water, the tears shed

Rot what’s left of you

Little tin man, who never got a heart

Nor a brain just a mouth that shouts

Endlessly and desperately to the air

Scream on tin man I’m done.

Ailsa

©️AilsaCawleyPoetry2018

Wishing away

We’ve all done it before

Wished away hours, days, months.

I watch as you wish life gone

To cut short your endurance.

You chuckled like I’m still a silly child

Annoyed every word spoken is not believed.

The automatic yes of course you demanded

It brooks no questions, there are no answers.

That you can voice.

Tell the lies to yourself that all is well

Same old platitudes of being fine.

Even the ranks have closed around you

They know but won’t say

See but won’t look

Avoid my eye when answering simple things.

The barricades are up in the town where all’s well

Defences being built upon daily.

I see cracks in the veneer, a hand span

And know I’m not only a lone creature now

This black sheep that left the fold to live

But I’m a deserter whom none will hear.

As you close down your world almost announcing gleefully

That you’re closing shop, pulling shutters slowly

You know that I’m the one who can see you

And can do nothing as you fade away.

All carry on in unspoken agreement

Tiptoe around what you don’t want to see.

And carry on playing the same old game

Of everything’s wonderful in summer town.

Wishing and fading away.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Patterns of life 

You couldn’t help but hear as the excitement charged his voice 

It’s not done that ever before 

Other voices still talking slowly quieten 

As he yelled 

The blood it flies everywhere, if you do it right 

I mean of all the times I did it and……

What hasn’t happened ?he’s asked urgently 

It makes patterns there’s nothing and then this amazing pattern 

All the times I hit her before well slap cuz I’m not violent right? 

Daring them to disagree 

And it looks the best game I’ve never seen it in life 

Blood lust dripping from his voice 

Like sap from a tree 

Telling himself it’s ok to do it and no one is shocked 

Except for the listener, me at the window 

Sickened and fearful 

For the things that pass for normal  

I will her, whoever she is to run and not return 

Listen to no promises of never again 

Because for some this becomes a pattern of life.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

Actors dilemma 

The actor shifts a little to the left off stage an audience 
No longer a player 

Her part dictates participation in this farcical charade 

Which is more tragedy than drama 

Leaving her feeling a drained shell of a being a duality 

Now so wearying that in hiding all she exposes more than ever she would have 

So many buried things writhe to the top 

Her body never rests with the twitching of the otherlings she feels 

As they shift to the surface and faces with razor mouths bite 

Pulling from her core the hidden things 

Feelings unfelt, words unsaid, tears unshed pushed deep 

She almost hates herself for allowing and denying the words that spill 

But they purge as they make her feel vile and vicious 

For voicing truths hidden in boxes 

The stories hidden in filthy boxes at the back of the mind attic 

Locked and chained until now 

A time she knew would come but could not ready herself for 

The words float on the wind

Musical notes alive with deep meaning and pockets of dirty air 

The creatures wriggle giggling with joy at what they want to release 

She fights them clamping some things inside 

Determined they will waste away in their boxes and harm no more 

Wanting to strike out at the silent aggressor on the stage 

She knows given time she can be victorious 

If these things would stop biting to the surface demanding 

To be told now 

Heaving them aside she moves on to do mindless things 

Knowing one day these demons will out.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Your face of desire 

Watching me closely a monitor of the hatred 

You imagine I must hold 

That’s your driving emotion deep in the dark part of you 

Once I held pity like a prisoner 

Understanding as a lamp or beacon 

Now, now I have 

Nothing 

Just a space where once I dragged excuses from 

To say why you did or didn’t and gave silent approval 

For your lack of care to carry on 

Unreasonable unchecked 

Never did you fear a rebuke or worse 

Like a child seeking attention by default 

You try to goad an angry reaction from empty canals 

Nothing flows any more in the land of yesterday 

The fear you instilled to pick at her confidence is gone 

Melted as ice in the sun 

She has no energy to give you and now as the child you remain 

Your ploys for something to feed your self esteem 

Are ignored by her ears 

Forever deaf to the need to be first, last, centre 

As flotsam you float away 

Ignored 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Your face of desire 

Watching me closely a monitor of the hatred 

You imagine I must hold 

That’s your driving emotion deep in the dark part of you 

Once I held pity like a prisoner 

Understanding as a lamp or beacon 

Now, now I have 

Nothing 

Just a space where once I dragged excuses from 

To say why you did or didn’t and gave silent approval 

For your lack of care to carry on 

Unreasonable unchecked 

Never did you fear a rebuke or worse 

Like a child seeking attention by default 

You try to goad an angry reaction from empty canals 

Nothing flows any more in the land of yesterday 

The fear you instilled to pick at her confidence is gone 

Melted as ice in the sun 

She has no energy to give you and now as the child you remain 

Your ploys for something to feed your self esteem 

Are ignored by her ears 

Forever deaf to the need to be first, last, centre 

As flotsam you float away 

Ignored 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Sins of the father

The sins of a man should carry forward to his son 

What sort of person you ask lets things carry on? 

But I observe from afar and see 

The man he was is the same as you’ll be 

Your example you’ve sucked in like air by a swimmer who is drowning 

In trying to be more and tsk tsk and frowning 

At his mistakes all you’ve done is copied him like a man possessed 

Because you can’t bear to start again have memory undressed 

Your line you follow with no subtlety or clue 

All you can see is you’re not him, he isn’t you. 

Like a copied page of carbon you will fade to naught 

While blaming all around you for what you were sure could be bought 

And can you buy affection, love and care? 

Look who you’ve left behind at the man you’re afraid to stare 

Once you could have changed your dreams of a pedestal 

Now? All that awaits is you fall. 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Walls close in 

I am entombed in this concrete world where houses rise 

They appear overnight it seems like monuments to no man 

Only a case in which to place, contain him 

Your world begins and ends here he is told  

This is usual, normal don’t wish for escape they tut 

Scold you as a child for your naivety for even thinking 

Imagining you could want anything other than this cage of plaster and dust 

Showing you only to what you will return one day 

Dust, earth a piece of something carried on air 

Shut yourself inside, or enter the gardens of highest fences 

Everything but barbed wire not as its billed to keep someone out 

Remove the scales from your eyes 

It is there only to keep you in the little allotted box 

Break the walls down, smash the fences to splinters 

And scratch your fingers with just one so you know you can still feel 

Escape the institution you were placed in and carve your own way 

You can do it. You can do it. You always could 

Stop the walls from closing in.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Return to the woods

There’s not a soul around and it’s just getting light
Watery sun trying to break through
Clouds not strong enough to stop the progression
She smiles as she tethers herself
With a cord unseen to the earth beneath her feet
Wriggling toes to feel the connection
That she needs to sustain her very being
Feeling the oneness as energy sparks
A sigh escapes her lips and her shoulders
Drop to let her breathe the very essence of this other realm
Her ankles are tickled as grass reaches
Beckoning her forth be with us again it seems to say
We belong to one realm
She lies next to a gnarled tree on a carpet of leaves
Her fingers trace patterns in the bark
Rejuvenation is here in her forest retreat
The place she is centred
She will return in the morning but sighs with the wind
And makes her way back to the place termed the real world
If only they knew….

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

Creeping gloom

I watch it leech forth like a noxious gas
Wondering why nobody else seems to notice the cloud
Gathering slowly above, around
But who looks up when they still feel the suns warmth? 
Would you check to see it were there or trust
Do you ever see the fog coming at you to swallow you
Until it has you enmeshed inside
Then you panic and scan a horizon that can’t be seen
Heart racing because direction has deserted you
Surety all gone to hells own home
Hearing noises that weren’t there before you’d swear
Or maybe you just didn’t notice
Wrapped in your security blanket of sunshine and harmony
And you stumble afraid of what awaits
Here in the dark dank gloom
The biggest fear may be spending too much time with the monster
That resides in your head
Telling you this may be your ending place
Feel the hands that claw at you hand and foot
Trying to bind you to a place you’d rather not go
Quickening heart
Slowing steps
Body trying to give itself to the inevitable
Fear and gladness,  confusion reigns
What waits in the dark murk of a mind unhinged? 
Come inside
The voice lisps in your ear

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016