Tag: People

River of expression

She’s careful in choosing her words and expression
For they can give too much
Away or not
Enough
And usually the latter she’s been told often
She tries hard to remain inscrutable a blank canvas
Only wanting to give away a little
Not knowing that if you watch her a while
You need ask no questions no words needed
To see her simmering eyes blazing hot embers
Anger in her measured strides
Though she’s busy trying to be a nice girl
Who doesn’t complain and says things are
Fine, no really …..
And sometimes she crumbles and cracks
The furious tears flowing like a river
That’s worn through the rocks finally to reveal
Just a glimpse of the force behind that one day
Will flood out and leave devastation in their lava like wake

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Unfolding fear

I watch as things unfold slowly, deliberately  

Can feel the newness like putting on brand new bed linen 

The crispness, feeling like nothing there has been sullied  

Stroking things to see how they feel, if they bite 

Or just caress me back 

The familiarity rubbing softly against my cheek 

Like a soothing hand stroking  

The fear tried to sink in its teeth slowly 

As it did once before and it was jubilant over me 

This time I turned giving chase so it skulks in the shadows hoping 

But it knew another me  

One whose fear was of being enough of everything to everyone 

A more alive me knows now that I should push back 

Unless I do I cannot hope to get anywhere  

I beat the unfolding fear with songs of my own 

It’s are drowned by my out of tune happy noise.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Execution of fate

I turn away because I have to or I will not leave
My face a mask of pretence
I am abandoning my own self here
If I were to know that it was forever I would be raging
Like a tossed about ship I feel the force of myself
Emotions race clamouring for first place
All afraid not to be noticed
Yet not wanting to be the winner of this race
The unseen bolster I have put between us
Guarding as a centurion against the destruction you wreak
And swear you didn’t mean to cause
But you have
Time and again after lulling my mind to sleep
Not this time I know
Feeling the cold wave of certainty wash over me
Keeping me alert,  cold, removed but alive
Never again will you penetrate this cocoon
I have gladly placed myself in
Only until I am strong
Enough to say the words you know are coming
No exoneration
No reprieve
This hanged man built his own noose
Whether he tightens it or not
Is no concern of mine

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Deep water still

She’s confused at her emptiness feeling..
Like the sea dredged of all life
Only the murk floating around her face
Clarity long gone
But it shouldn’t be this way and she’s fighting angry
Though you’ll never know as it’s hidden
Behind a rock and in the gloom
You choose not to notice
None but she can ever enlighten and pride tells her
In an urgent voice to say nothing
Bury it away for raw disappointment in you
Can take her nowhere but down
To the bed of the ocean where you dwell
Waiting to cause pain
So she smiles and dances to lift away from the author of doom
And forward to forge clean new waters

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

To walk away

And I try to wipe the cry from my face
Before I can be seen broken
Breathe deep my head says calmly interjecting
So I follow the command
How else can sense come from mayhem?
You didn’t say the words I heard
Even shake my head to convince myself
And lose the battle
Numb from words I have to believe are spoken in desolation
I remember long ago words of love or whatever it means
Had taken them as shielding walls
Oh how wrong
You can’t feel as a puppeteer only pull control strings
Watch as the tautness makes you feel warm
It’s all you feel
Deep down I know this but I have to pretend
I am in control until,  until I’m strong enough
To walk without a glance back

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Mercurial Mairi

She arrived slipping out from the wall it seems
A liquid flowing form so mercurial
Yet I’m drawn to speak with her as if an urgent need has arisen
What exactly troubles you child, she asks soothing,
This place
Exactly what she emphasises with a smile
Encouragement or amused by me I cannot tell
It’s stealing me
How can it get into the very depths winding
Like Ivy it is surrounding me from all angles
Ahhh is her reply
Her grasp cool on my arm
Be still child,  it is not predator and prey we discuss
Don’t you feel it,  the difference here?
Nodding without a word
It’s the gods,  yours,  mine,  any, none
They have answered your call do you see?
They take something first to be sure you don’t feeeel it, hmmm
It’s a sense of something shifting,  slipping
When they’re sure they take other parts if they need to
What do they take (eyeing the room like it’s at fault!)??
You feel your heart shift first
Your mind following after if it needs to imagine
Some hearts are more logical resistant to impulse
Tell me child,  where does your heart bide?
Where can you find wildness,  desolation,  beauty and more
Do you feel peace and tranquillity and everything more
Do you see storms and run away or need to stay
See light play in morning and evening and magic dance in the air
Tell me child,  where else can you fare?
I nod you’re right is it really that simple
As a tap on my shoulder
Whose voice tells me we’re going are you ready?
I’m just….
Talking to that wall I know,  first sign of madness he laughs
Looking back she is gone mercurial mairi
Like she never was there…..

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Wolven ways of working

The sheeplike face changed to my confusion
As the lupine features emerge as a free beast again
I had to hide from the fears that cause hate
He nods to emphasise his point
If a harmless lamb you see before you or a wolf
What would you choose?
You’re taught from infant to reject all that’s clever
They say I’m cunning,  sly,  so I played
Their game as they like it and won
Did you see me as I really am behind what I presented?
Eyes question my thoughts but lips never move
I heard the exchange in my head
Now my panic sets in and I am certain I’m mad
For since when can an animal shape change?
Squeaks my human brain
Terror strikes your heart as I break the bonds you gave
Turn dead eyes to me dull like a fish that’s sacrificed
The sheeplike face hiding behind it’s sameness
Show me the wolf her difference and honesty
She will warn if she is striking
I take the wolf in the hills as my creature any time
It’s the sheep facade I care nothing for

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Stepping in to time

She steps in,  out,  forward around anything to not speak
Deep in the depths is that hidden away hazelnut
The one with the curse inside
Sometimes she dares herself to pour the secret out
Like a cup of molten chocolate thick and gooey
No longer worried about neat edges
Because it may spill everywhere
How much longer before she cracks the nut and it all
EXPLODES!!
And what then, what happens?
She sighs and watches while she lets the steam escape
Tamp it down a little longer
Forcing the lid on her secret self and making her lips smile
Because she is afraid of something
Herself
She’s getting sick of smiling in the face of her rage
Playing the role corrupt as it is
The nutshell has cracks and she is breaking free
When she is unleashed heaven help you for her storm breaking
Could bring your destruction

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Almost time

It’s almost that time, etched on my brain when memories dance 

I tell myself to concentrate on only the things of the distant past 

But everywhere has the same song on play that reminds me of you 

The words that up to now meant something slightly deeper than a Yule song 

But this year the pot inside me they stir and they churn 

Tears at my eyes keep tinkling and burning 

I want to switch off

But I make myself listen 

And I’ll sing the line that makes me cry all over again, again

Sending wishes on feathers through the air to you 

As you did to me 

I am pulling the threads of the cloak to keep warm 

Feeling the chill of your loss deep 

I carry you in my soul a corner that’s yours forever 

People ask if you could be replaced or just put aside in time 

Why would I remove you 

I am as much a part of you now as I ever was 

My soul misses yours,  we shared hopes and dreams 

And I still talk as I did telling you of all the days, 

Smiles and tears in equal amounts 

One day I know more happiness will flow but for now I just allow 

What I need to come out 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Would you walk?

Would you walk by my side with a guiding hand?
Hold fast as the darkness pulls my coat tails taking me down
Would you shine a light just enough to show the path
But not enough to force me to abandon my heart
Which is slowly getting used to a different tomorrow
A one where I live in a land I don’t want to understand
I will because it’s inevitable
But now,  well now my friend you are by my side
I can look forward,  with the help of my guide
You stay asking nothing in return for your care
And it’s this that comforts me as I travel on the way
It’s with your strength I have gone from darkened rooms
I can now glimpse a clearer brighter day
The world as I knew it has changed evermore
But your hand upon my shoulder
With barely a word spoken
Your strength more apparent than even you can know
My way ahead now showing some sign of things to come
Not once did I have to ask the question or wonder where to go
Because my unnecessary question of you was answered
Before I asked
My friend I know that whatever problems arise
You beside me walk

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015