Category: love

Understanding

It’s dawning on her slowly as she seeks to not believe
That again the door is closed on her
A step forward with a smile she nods and offers a yes
To the question of whether she understands
Of course she doesn’t but what can be said
It makes no difference to say otherwise and appear foolish
When the door to discussion is locked and barred
Where do you go
You can have no understanding or clarity
And it changes nothing
Just adds one more tick to the chart of letdowns
Going towards the land of doesn’t matter any more
He has won a small victory with no arguments he thinks
Puffed up with ego like a balloon floating on his win
Till the day he is left shocked as he watches her
Cut the cord
In full and clear understanding.

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Do you remember?

What was it that first drew your eyes to her
And held them there
Who you thought it was you wanted to be a part of
And be the reason for her smile
Do you remember?
Were you trying to make her so that she pushed
It wasn’t your fault
You’ll say she jumped ship not your fault you shrug
Always going to happen
Did your mind engineer it to be this way in the plan
Too good to believe it would last
And now you’re proved right
Do you remember?
Counter argue that one day it maybe could or would have been easy
But would it
Is anything worth having ever that clean cut
The obstacles are the trial
Do you remember?
She’s walking away with eyes like razor sharp flint
But they don’t cut through anymore and you can’t get why
She’s tired it’s too hurtful now
She’s warned you till the words ran dry
All the times you could have…. Fill in the blanks
Do you remember?

Ailsa
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Offering everything

That was your battle cry, I heard it loudly as your anger exploded

Like a geyser when the pressure allows it to escape unchecked 

I gave her everything, I always offered everything everything she’d want

Did I what ? you say 

You scoff, why would I need to ask what she would want? 

I chose things to give her, pretty things to dress her up in like my own doll 

Yet she looks at me like I don’t know her at all!!

What would she like you to spend most? I ask 

Why there’s only money, you absurd creature (he’s chortling now, looking for an audience)

He folds his arms laughing loudly.

And pales when I whisper “time, you never spent time”.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015

Seeing your face

I see you in my dreams and wake with you gone
Feel your breath close by my face
Hear phrases you utter unexpectedly
So much so that I look for you
Sometimes
Convinced I will see you
Though I don’t
Whirling round as you were there at the corners of my vision
But never quick enough never damned quick enough
To catch you properly
Before
You scooted away again like a child playing hide and seek
One day
I’ll be faster or you’ll be slower
And it won’t just be in my dreams but you’ll be
There
Close enough to touch
And I will be seeing your face
One day.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Remembrance

Your memories are safe here enshrined at the door
Of which we nod with gratitude and thanks evermore
We may not know a loved one lost in the fight you fought
But hearts thank you for bravery given without a second thought
You gave your lives for future freedom you may never see
But that of the children at home you’d never bounce upon your knee
Our poppy it is worn with your sacrifice in mind
Of the lives you left at home and wives you left behind
You did it all with love and justice beating in your hearts
A better world you could see if we could only start
So now in the poppy fields where wildest blooms do grow
Should we not show that in the driest earth love can surely grow?
We must always remember your willingness to die
But the underlying reason for future generations to have less reason to cry.
Please respect these wishes for a free world and try again
Before we inflict upon our children more horror death or pain.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

They danced the dance

They danced the dance, one two three, three three, stop…

All change, flounce away partner change

Keep looking back for the sparks fly like fireflies,

To entice the partners to dance again as they will like addicts who need the next fix,

The sparks dance prettily in the sky

They were set off long ago and burned slowly like fireworks 

Chemical reaction, boom once ,twice, three times 

Till they fizzle and die burning themselves out into stardust 

And become the flickers of something that attracted them 

In the first place 

They are sparkle dust, part of someone else’s dance 

Watching them dance the dance of all change.
Ailsa

©Ailsa Cawley Poetry 2015

Rhiannon

Taking a circuitous route to the room that sets us free
For an hour,  a while, you her and me
For we are one another Rhiannon the wild gypsy
And the quieter more held back side of she
In a tangle of warmth and sweaty Iimbs we join
I am Rhiannon she is me
All of the fears that I held in my heart leave on the wind 
As our hearts and limbs entangle, quicken
It matters not that we pull off the sheets
Or lie spent and happy without a doubt of the great beat
Hear it on the same breeze getting louder still 
Time for us to curb the wildness take a calmer pill
I do not wish to have the time back I discovered something new
I am always that Rhiannon, the gypsy wild heart remains true
So the one who thinks to hurt with bold words in my head
My heart and soul still play a song while yours is truly dead.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

All of it

What shall I tell you of me?  She asked
All of it.
The dark,  the sordid,  bits wrapped in silk, the nice things?. She nodded,  awaiting the refusal
All of it.
Trust me,  try me. He whispered gently.
But I might look different then she countered
How can the person I see now change by yesterday’s words?  Or actions from another life?
You might not like who you thought I was…
But as I know so little and I need to see more it can only give me understanding
Of what?  She questioned
Of you.  I want all of you.
I need no perfect specimen to stand in a showcase
I want a real person and she stands here
So please allow me in,  allow me all of it.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

The man who had dreams

An excerpt from a conversation which extracted a promise,  for which I shall remain ever grateful ❤

The man who had dreams, called to me one day
If you have wishes my child don’t bury them away
Never parcel them tightly, hidden in a box
That is bound by ribbons ending in locks.
They’re put there by those who have fears of the dark
Give them a fire and their fear is now sparks!!
Anything different they can’t comprehend
So whatever you choose will seem like the end
Promise me dear child among their own road of tumult
You will step back and ensure your own heart is full
For if you will trust in the world you can see there
This is the wonderful world of mine you can share.
Never have fear of pursuing your heart
Without the head cannot make a start
Follow it,  follow it,  follow your dreams
For they mean so much more than many have seen.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Withered within

It was empty inside like a shell long devoid of the snail
The bits that made me strong and capable
Felt like a tangle of too many crossed wires
And then I met you and I wanted to stand there
To talk all night about everything and nothing
No ulterior motive just to feel human
To say what I thought,  debate all night
Didn’t matter who if either was right or wrong
Only to know I counted that I had a place
It didn’t have to be anything big or wondrous
Nor did it have to mean much to anyone
And I never expected it would or could
But it was there, a reed with the water of life
Taking away the vinegar I always tasted
The sourness of feeling wrong and cursed
Or stuck in a never ending maze with the way out barred
With my insides dried up,  like old fruit
And my heart which beat only because it had to
It beat only for my child who I was afraid to lose
Change and lose
Stay and lose
Suddenly my head told my heart it was time
And the drumbeat began in earnest
It played a song I didn’t understand
Still find difficult sometimes as it’s still new
It’s a long song,  a forever song
A song of circles,  rings and returning home
To a present and future
To the freedom and togetherness which I never knew
Thought of as faery tales and myths
And know now they can be real
If you believe
Do you believe?

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015