It was empty inside like a shell long devoid of the snail
The bits that made me strong and capable
Felt like a tangle of too many crossed wires
And then I met you and I wanted to stand there
To talk all night about everything and nothing
No ulterior motive just to feel human
To say what I thought, debate all night
Didn’t matter who if either was right or wrong
Only to know I counted that I had a place
It didn’t have to be anything big or wondrous
Nor did it have to mean much to anyone
And I never expected it would or could
But it was there, a reed with the water of life
Taking away the vinegar I always tasted
The sourness of feeling wrong and cursed
Or stuck in a never ending maze with the way out barred
With my insides dried up, like old fruit
And my heart which beat only because it had to
It beat only for my child who I was afraid to lose
Change and lose
Stay and lose
Suddenly my head told my heart it was time
And the drumbeat began in earnest
It played a song I didn’t understand
Still find difficult sometimes as it’s still new
It’s a long song, a forever song
A song of circles, rings and returning home
To a present and future
To the freedom and togetherness which I never knew
Thought of as faery tales and myths
And know now they can be real
If you believe
Do you believe?
Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015
ailsacawley 