Category: Blogs

The door is always bolted

I allow her to go out sometimes he stated nonchalantly 

Because I’m a magnanimous sort 

They have to be allowed out occasionally to keep them happy 

I let her breathe sometimes 

Though not too often as that’s not good for everyone 

She asks nicely if I mind knows her place 

Me? Well I do as I please like I should isn’t it obvious 

Unless I say the door is always bolted 

You see if the key were in sight she’d only get curious 

As to what else is out there 

Ideas might start occurring to her that aren’t any help to me 

Best to allow a taste of freedom 

She can’t see she’s my prisoner at all my friend 

Tie the rope loosely like you do a dog 

He shrugs, grins, and wags a finger to his listener 

Mark my words you’ll rue the day 

You decided to leave off the bolt, chain and let her be free 

Because I know from experience a locked door 

Is always what has to be slid gradually into place. 

The door keep it bolted friend while keeping your smile on your face. 

Swaggers away so sure he’s so learned, clever, wise 

Confusion on his face when his friend asks what’s the fear in your eyes ?

You mix me up with someone else he retorts 

She knows her place dammit!! 

Unknown to him I saw him in the street 

No ogre of massive proportions he 

And I wondered who really let who out after all 

You almost wavered in a stiff breeze 

Couldn’t catch an eye and fear on a person speaking 

Maybe my disgust and anger were directed at 

A bit part player and echoed too closely for me 

Stopped by shadows of then imposing on the world of now.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Your face of desire 

Watching me closely a monitor of the hatred 

You imagine I must hold 

That’s your driving emotion deep in the dark part of you 

Once I held pity like a prisoner 

Understanding as a lamp or beacon 

Now, now I have 

Nothing 

Just a space where once I dragged excuses from 

To say why you did or didn’t and gave silent approval 

For your lack of care to carry on 

Unreasonable unchecked 

Never did you fear a rebuke or worse 

Like a child seeking attention by default 

You try to goad an angry reaction from empty canals 

Nothing flows any more in the land of yesterday 

The fear you instilled to pick at her confidence is gone 

Melted as ice in the sun 

She has no energy to give you and now as the child you remain 

Your ploys for something to feed your self esteem 

Are ignored by her ears 

Forever deaf to the need to be first, last, centre 

As flotsam you float away 

Ignored 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Your face of desire 

Watching me closely a monitor of the hatred 

You imagine I must hold 

That’s your driving emotion deep in the dark part of you 

Once I held pity like a prisoner 

Understanding as a lamp or beacon 

Now, now I have 

Nothing 

Just a space where once I dragged excuses from 

To say why you did or didn’t and gave silent approval 

For your lack of care to carry on 

Unreasonable unchecked 

Never did you fear a rebuke or worse 

Like a child seeking attention by default 

You try to goad an angry reaction from empty canals 

Nothing flows any more in the land of yesterday 

The fear you instilled to pick at her confidence is gone 

Melted as ice in the sun 

She has no energy to give you and now as the child you remain 

Your ploys for something to feed your self esteem 

Are ignored by her ears 

Forever deaf to the need to be first, last, centre 

As flotsam you float away 

Ignored 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Sins of the father

The sins of a man should carry forward to his son 

What sort of person you ask lets things carry on? 

But I observe from afar and see 

The man he was is the same as you’ll be 

Your example you’ve sucked in like air by a swimmer who is drowning 

In trying to be more and tsk tsk and frowning 

At his mistakes all you’ve done is copied him like a man possessed 

Because you can’t bear to start again have memory undressed 

Your line you follow with no subtlety or clue 

All you can see is you’re not him, he isn’t you. 

Like a copied page of carbon you will fade to naught 

While blaming all around you for what you were sure could be bought 

And can you buy affection, love and care? 

Look who you’ve left behind at the man you’re afraid to stare 

Once you could have changed your dreams of a pedestal 

Now? All that awaits is you fall. 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Walls close in 

I am entombed in this concrete world where houses rise 

They appear overnight it seems like monuments to no man 

Only a case in which to place, contain him 

Your world begins and ends here he is told  

This is usual, normal don’t wish for escape they tut 

Scold you as a child for your naivety for even thinking 

Imagining you could want anything other than this cage of plaster and dust 

Showing you only to what you will return one day 

Dust, earth a piece of something carried on air 

Shut yourself inside, or enter the gardens of highest fences 

Everything but barbed wire not as its billed to keep someone out 

Remove the scales from your eyes 

It is there only to keep you in the little allotted box 

Break the walls down, smash the fences to splinters 

And scratch your fingers with just one so you know you can still feel 

Escape the institution you were placed in and carve your own way 

You can do it. You can do it. You always could 

Stop the walls from closing in.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Return to the woods

There’s not a soul around and it’s just getting light
Watery sun trying to break through
Clouds not strong enough to stop the progression
She smiles as she tethers herself
With a cord unseen to the earth beneath her feet
Wriggling toes to feel the connection
That she needs to sustain her very being
Feeling the oneness as energy sparks
A sigh escapes her lips and her shoulders
Drop to let her breathe the very essence of this other realm
Her ankles are tickled as grass reaches
Beckoning her forth be with us again it seems to say
We belong to one realm
She lies next to a gnarled tree on a carpet of leaves
Her fingers trace patterns in the bark
Rejuvenation is here in her forest retreat
The place she is centred
She will return in the morning but sighs with the wind
And makes her way back to the place termed the real world
If only they knew….

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

Creeping gloom

I watch it leech forth like a noxious gas
Wondering why nobody else seems to notice the cloud
Gathering slowly above, around
But who looks up when they still feel the suns warmth? 
Would you check to see it were there or trust
Do you ever see the fog coming at you to swallow you
Until it has you enmeshed inside
Then you panic and scan a horizon that can’t be seen
Heart racing because direction has deserted you
Surety all gone to hells own home
Hearing noises that weren’t there before you’d swear
Or maybe you just didn’t notice
Wrapped in your security blanket of sunshine and harmony
And you stumble afraid of what awaits
Here in the dark dank gloom
The biggest fear may be spending too much time with the monster
That resides in your head
Telling you this may be your ending place
Feel the hands that claw at you hand and foot
Trying to bind you to a place you’d rather not go
Quickening heart
Slowing steps
Body trying to give itself to the inevitable
Fear and gladness,  confusion reigns
What waits in the dark murk of a mind unhinged? 
Come inside
The voice lisps in your ear

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

The thorn that repels

You’re the thorn that smiles and then stabs hard
Thinking I’m unaware of you
You smile as if you mean it maybe in that split second
It’s genuine enough
And you keep harking back to anything you imagine happened
In the halls beyond the veil of time
Self centred pity removes the smile
Twisting it to suit you
For you try to wear two jackets simultaneously and they have melded
To and with you
You tell the world I am victim and victor
Garner the pity of the gullible
As you eat them alive snaffle snorting to yourself
At the fools who believed 
In your dreams you see only yourself
Hero and villain too clever to be caught by any means
Still not understanding that they’ve all turned away
Seen through your bullshit bravery
Your cringing at the touch of a human hand trying to help
Outrage they thought you mighty one needed that
And now alone no-one to repel
You cry because you are alone and misunderstood

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

Tower of the doomed

It stood there,  he stood there pointing out the wonders
Of the prison block
I grant you the facade was marginally prettier
But it was shiny new
Unloved,  unlived in and the nearest thing to an ivory tower prison
So cardboard cutout she expected
The walls to shake in protest if she spoke
A false village all manmade and uniform
Rat run for the rat race
And the bedrooms are on the third floor the best is in the attic
Like bloody rapunzel without the hair she muttered
No ladder just a cardboard prison
She sees his excitement at lording it with the big
House,  car and I have arrived puffiness
Shuddered and felt the walls close in
If this was her prison she’d suffocate inside a week
Entombed in her box like an obelisk to someone else
He runs along describing the carpets and shades of beige
That can be used to make it look appetising
Like a cookie with no flavour
She can even hear the voice saying you’re trapped
In the labyrinthine tunnels forever
Then she makes her escape from the tower
And wonders what she is doing.
How she even got here

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

Hidden sparkle of life

She’s effervescent and tinkles happy laughter
Musical notes dance across her river
Clouds darken the sunny smile which crumbles to dust 
Eyes bore into her daring her to challenge
Knowing that won’t happen
A self satisfied smirk twisting the veneer as order is restored
Restrictions imposed are adhered to
One look needed no more
From afar the watcher sees her hidden strength
Willing a rebellion
Happy to join forces with the now still musical form
Temporarily silenced
But not forever as she never forgets herself
As you might wish

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016