Tag: life

The day you change your future

It can be done although it seems too hard
I looked at mine and accepted things
Then I decided to say what if…
If I open my mind aswell as my eyes and just wait
For the path before step by step to show clear and true
I don’t expect it to be easy or simple
But since when was a new walkway mapped in safety
And would I choose it if it were?
I’d rather learn a little at a time daily
Than think I know who I am and all maps are charted
Irrevocable,  unchanging
Living in fear of difference and change
Shouldn’t you allow the path to show you
What can be,  a life of promise,  change
A future
Or get old and wish you had done all the things
In your mind
But ignored studiously because it wasn’t on the chart
Whose directions were written wrongly anyway

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Withered within

It was empty inside like a shell long devoid of the snail
The bits that made me strong and capable
Felt like a tangle of too many crossed wires
And then I met you and I wanted to stand there
To talk all night about everything and nothing
No ulterior motive just to feel human
To say what I thought,  debate all night
Didn’t matter who if either was right or wrong
Only to know I counted that I had a place
It didn’t have to be anything big or wondrous
Nor did it have to mean much to anyone
And I never expected it would or could
But it was there, a reed with the water of life
Taking away the vinegar I always tasted
The sourness of feeling wrong and cursed
Or stuck in a never ending maze with the way out barred
With my insides dried up,  like old fruit
And my heart which beat only because it had to
It beat only for my child who I was afraid to lose
Change and lose
Stay and lose
Suddenly my head told my heart it was time
And the drumbeat began in earnest
It played a song I didn’t understand
Still find difficult sometimes as it’s still new
It’s a long song,  a forever song
A song of circles,  rings and returning home
To a present and future
To the freedom and togetherness which I never knew
Thought of as faery tales and myths
And know now they can be real
If you believe
Do you believe?

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

She the mother

She’s probably on streets the world over
But you only pay attention to her when you don’t expect her,
That lady who is always a mother to all
To friend and stranger
You’ll know her when you see her in a glance
Has to know if you are warm,  happy and fed
Whether or not she has children of her own to hold
She has made a child of you
This is no belittlement just a sign of human grace
This person cares for any and all
Why can’t that include you? 
You could be nine years old or ninety she’ll care for you the same
Don’t mistake her care for anything but love of human race
I met one of these momma ladies upon a cobbled street
All wrapped up against the cold she felt
But she stopped her day to greet
The stranger in her villageshe chose to care for was me
She had to know if I was well and warm
Before she’d go on her way
Our language it was different,  gestures did just fine
Somehow our words were of no matter
I knew hers and she knew mine.
Once she was satisfied that all was well and good
Just like any other momma she told me I needed to get warm
Even though I wasn’t cold, and get inside beside a fire
And get some decent food.
I haven’t met her before or since but my heart was warmer for it
That lady,  momma, grandma, nonna,
Showed her light of caring it shone so bright
I’m touched beyond measure by the caring of that stranger
Who decided that she saw a child no matter of their age
Just for one moment I was a hand,  a heart to hold.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Where do you go to?

You locked the door so long ago that you misplaced the key

So where do you go to all locked away in your head, is it lonely?

I think you brought down the shutter with such a clanging thump

That your disappointment in an imperfect world left your heart a icy lump

Full of brazen bluff and blunt rebuff, and generic words of prudence

Platitudes with no substance giving yourself the false assurance.

You cant let anyone inside even were they to pick the locks now

Inside the shutter is a gate, and a wall, so nobody’s going to be let into the show

That you put forth as real

No one will see that the husk can still feel

So afraid of losing and being left behind all alone

You cast all the shadows and yourself in stone.

©Ailsa Cawley poetry 2015

By the Lord Larry

Walking home from school one day I found a tiny bird lying on the ground

What could I do and how to help this helpless baby that I’d found ?

When in he steps, Lord Larry, with his red hair all a mess

In painty clothes and smelling of turpentine, dirty boots at best

But to me, here you were because you could solve it all

If my dad was elsewhere, it was you that I would call

So minus shining armour, and steed of gleaming white

You smiled and said “I will help you, and look after him tonight ”

You told me I could dry my tears , you would take him with you

Nurse him if you had to , and he would make it through

I believed for many a year that you had set him free

imagined that you nursed a fledgling on your knees

In a way I guess you did, when you eased his suffering.

And you eased his end so pain could not bring.

I never got to thank you for being that shining knight

For that was the last time I saw you as you died after being my light

You had no wife, family, children of your own

but a gentle gentleman you were and that had always shown.

So to you my Lord Larry, I raise a goblet filled with cheer

For giving others help and erasing any fears.

To some this was just a normal man, but it means an awful lot

When you take the pain of others and give all you have got.

You always stayed a hero, I guess you always will

Lord Larry was a good man, Lord Larry you are still.

Poison

To some it’s like a drug they crave
The more they hand out, others they’ll save
Their acid barbs and twisted tongues words
Are given for the good of health they’d heard
If they break you down with loaded spears
Just get over it, it was best you know never fear
They will smile in fake apology and get on their way
Feeling good that they took the time to say
What others are saying because it’s of crystal clarity
And you didn’t say a word so there’s no disparity
Between what they said and what you’re thinking
That chalice of poison given for drinking
Remember one thing if you challenge or don’t
Theirs is jealous insecurity covered and honed.

Ailsa

Heat of light.

#nationalpoetryday 2015

I thought it would be pure emptiness
When you went to the otherworld
But I went into your room
Just a momentary pause in the day
And I felt it,  filling me from feet up
Warm, glowing white light
The purest light a love can offer
And I am forever blessed
In dark days I can dig deep
For the candle you placed there
I shall be forever grateful for it.
Thankyou for the white pure love light

Ailsa

Fluid

Flowing in my veins like a river,  my blood
Flowing from my eyes in rivulets,  my tears
Flowing through my head sometimes without a destination
Flowing through my heart the painful and happy days
To those who think we are rooted
Forever to be held in one spot I say
How can that be?
I am fluid
Allow yourself to be fluid and flow freely
Be fluid

Ailsa

And I will look for you

I will walk the beaches very soon, wild and windy as they are

Watch the waves as they crash the pier into quiet submission

Remember the stories of when you were a boy free as a bird

Look at the sun as it drops below the horizon as always

And I will look for you

I will wander the lands I feel your presence beating like a heartbeat

Where the thrumming of the earth burbles like your laughter

And the wind whips around me holding me steadily

Hear stories of adventure you told all from your own mind

I will look for you

Listening and learning your words by heart and tears flowing down

In peaceful solitude I can only think of you

Your voice spoken in dreams or by angels and others

I get used to you not being here, now

I know someday you’ll come to collect me and I have to be patient

Until then, I can do nothing other

Than keep on looking for you

Pulling the wool

How far do you think the yarn will stretch before it frays and unravels?

Like your fragile balance of the truth you want to believe and cold hard facts

The wonderful phrase of let’s be friends, in time you’ll see

And blame what’s that, because it has not been me!!

Except it has

Whose eyes are you trying to shield from the absolute worst of the truth

I see through you like an old tattered bridal veil, story full of holes

You can only look at yourself as if an uneducated youth

Who couldn’t possibly conceive of  their actions turning a person to stone

Except it has almost

Don’t imagine for one second you have the power of a goddess

The images racing through your head I don’t want to imagine at all

They are demented, self worshipping and foretell future distress

I shall have no pleasure in hearing you had an almighty, painful  fall

Except  one thing is without doubt

The yarns will fray, strings do break

And you will