Tag: life

Standing by

They walk by unnoticed by some at their side
Quiet support always there unwavering
And sometimes because their profile is kept so low
Almost secret to the point of being missed
Until it isn’t there because they feel used,  rejected
It can be done by omission not meaning to harm
And slowly,  silently you take a step back and another
Until you fall so far behind that you lose sight of….
The person who was always by your side,  and at your back
Sometimes you feel like taking a step back to find out
Exactly who you are everyone wanting a piece
Some that don’t even exist in you
But are wishing thoughts of who you would be
And the pressures build till you disappear
In a sea of other people’s wants
Press down,  down,  and then you force your way
To the surface and break through taking a gasping breath
Grasping for a lifeline and finding someone
The one who steadfastly stood by,  silently
Waiting at your side till YOU returned.
I have.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Storyteller

The crowd looks on as he weaves his tale, taller and stronger 

You know it isn’t true……  But still you’re drawn in a fish on a hook

Need to see how the “truth, I swear it” fingers crossed behind his back,  

Ends.

Where, how, what you ask helplessly wriggling in your seat 

As the plot unwinds on a pathway so twisted 

His eyes twinkle amused by this audience who swear they don’t believe 

In magic.

Or in massive armies of one inch men who grow to giants at dusk 

So strong they could carry you away with barely a movement seen 

They don’t exist you say, but look for them secretly 

Anyway.

Of the magical lands visited and what he saw there, all alone 

You can’t take anyone there who doesn’t believe and nobody does 

So how can I show anyone monsters, demons, and sssssh the little men

Believe 

Loving to hear other tales that said his world of difference was true 

From as far back as I can recall he made me realise one thing 

That if just if I look further and delve deeper into everything 

I 

Yes, I believe anyway in magic.
©Ailsa Cawley Poetry 2015

Shining like starlight

After many a day quietly living in the box,
The beige and boring one that held, constrained her
It became too much, far too bright
She’d spent many a day pulling down the shades
Doing what she did best in quiet solitude
It was all so mixed that darkness and light
The real, imagined, and didn’t always come tied with a bow
So she hid it away because who’d be interested right?
And the box had a window small but hidden
In trepidation she opened it just a crack,
Convinced herself she’d close it soon
As her light was allowed to trickle through and out
A voice from a dark forest in the corner whispered
Be brave,  the colours, swirling,  and you most of all you
Are destined for greater things
She ignored it till it began to loudly yell
Look around you at the sky in the room now
Astounded she saw it begin to grow daily
Emanating from her very being,  breathing it in and out
She was it
So bright she had to open the window wider
For the light in the box was too bright and she feared the sparks
Setting fire to the beige box cell she was in
Flooding forth she found herself no longer rooted to the box
And she shone,  she shines still
The light pouring forth from her eyes
The dark and light twinkling all around her being
In a never ending sparkle that strikes awe
Into the unsuspecting soul as she shares it
With the world.

For J.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Eggshell heart

I see them trample on your eggshell heart,
Without a care of whether it will break.
My instinct to dash forth and protect ricochets in my mind,
But I know I cannot and to stand still until you call
Or waver and glance needing reassurance that the shell has not broken,
At least not beyond repair this time.
It grows stronger, tougher every onslaught
But it shouldn’t have to,  it shouldn’t.
I swallow my anger for that helps no-one
Least of all you who needs my heart to heal the cracks
You try to cover in your eggshell heart.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

Fear the feeling of difference

You were offered something bright and shiny, it wasn’t Gold

But never were you told it was, just that it meant a new horizon

Where the pot of Gold and more, lay yours for the taking.

Your head told you lies, that you couldn’t do it alone, alone, alone,

That word tolled like a bell in your head, clanging out the possibility of future

Dully moving away, thankfully saying no to the changes

The words the bell kept saying, “fear the feeling of difference, fear it well,

you cannot be different, “

and you nodded, swallowing the words whole, drinking the pain

Bitter you’re told, because it has to be when you try and think of change.

Now drink your medicine, ease those endless thoughts if you just drink,

close, close, close your mind to future. Cut off your chances.

If you’re standing still, statue like, you don’t need to fear the feeling of difference.

Circus paint

Many a time spent chasing behind, smile painted on
There under false pretences not sure
If I’m going to be found out anytime soon,
Driven away for not being who I allude to
Never the sparkly, witty one
Rather the one who watches from a quiet corner
As the circus unfolds…
Who shall I be tonight?
Dancing rock star whirling about the room
Or a wallflower clinging to the bar there,  like a life raft?
Circus paint on,  costume on? Check
Hair,  heels, personality all in order
Still unsure if I’m in the wrong fairytale,
And how soon can I escape it all….
It’s all started to bore now you see
Daily adventures have become monotonous
Looking at faces flushed red, dull eyes
Comprehending nothing other than a drink
Which is blotting up the spilled ink of their daily story
That they have no way to escape from.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015

The fearsome warrior

I don’t care what you think about me, I don’t think about you at all – Coco Chanel

Just a woman she’d heard it said, no good for much except a bed!
She worked harder than any man she knew
Proving herself daily as her confidence grew.
Always knowing she was an almost son, respect forever hard won.
As she grew old and retained her inner fire
They looked and saw just a woman filled with ire.
Her favourite saying “you’re as good as everyone else, and in some cases better, but keep that to yourself!”
For when she was a girl you hid your light so deep
You’d forget it were there, a secret to keep.
She heard the comments, formidable, tough, hard, unforgiving
Except that she knew at the end she was winning
As woman, mother, sister, friend
You took your hurts she still found a way to mend.
Feeding you plenty, asking what no one else could
Because it was not nice, or not something you should
So every time I hear a mention in comparison I swell
My pride in her always will dwell.
A warrior she was and will remain on a green hill
A fearsome woman ahead of time then and still.

Dancing to the tune

Watching them as they give you tasks to join their world
The one you’re desperate to be part of
You move slowly, anguish crushing your features
So faster turning, swooping, diving, anything
Anything that gets them to see the steam rise from your breath
Making them aware ‘look I’m alive, I breathe ‘you smile
They laugh at your confusion
Braying, pointing to the marionette who dances for them
Despite everything still wanting, needing to be on the inside
Ever willing to be laughed at
And the bells jingle loudly, the fools bells
But you wear them proudly like a badge of honour
To say you made it and got noticed
Even if they make you dance and sing, at heel like the puppy
Whose eyes will adore you while you kick him
They can smell the desperation pouring from you
See it shining manically in your too bright eyes
They have a clown, jester, puppet
Don’t try to break into their enclosed heartland
For the hearts are withered and lands are barren.
Stop dancing, close your ears to the tune.
Leave the dance mid-turn, with some pride intact

Haunted by

I walk to the bus and you are there, not by me
Never by my side, following incase I speak to a person unchecked
Someone not through your process.
Which is that you ask? Surely speech is free?
You might think, but
I’ve to watch my step, my expression, my interest
Smile and say hi for a moment your voice says
But as I half turn looking over my shoulder slyly
For all the world a spy in my own prison world
I see you shuffle-dive into a doorway
Once I used to ask you why you followed me, always
You laughed, huffed, got angry
Except it wasn’t me alone who saw you, was it?
Jokes masking the serious questions of why, just why
Did you need to know my every second and try to breathe for me
If I tried to do it alone I was closing you out
So you followed sometimes nearly stumbling into me
Or you called telling me I had been away long enough
And if I loved you, really loved you
I would only want you and it would be enough
Till the day you issued a threat up close
When up she stepped, the hidden one, usually being timid
Always wanting to see you happy, or just calm
You threatened me the last time then didn’t you?
When I looked you in the eye and told you to sleep awake
Keep your eyes open forever
You hurt me before, but never again
I have waited, and like the snake who strikes
You will find you cannot time my attack, nor will I stop!!
Would I have ever been able to do it?
I simply don’t know, but it stopped the onslaughts
Every day.
But the strength began to build a bridge
Not between us, but to a new song where you don’t feature.
And I am not haunted by
Day, night,you.

The man who had dreams

An excerpt from a conversation which extracted a promise,  for which I shall remain ever grateful ❤

The man who had dreams, called to me one day
If you have wishes my child don’t bury them away
Never parcel them tightly, hidden in a box
That is bound by ribbons ending in locks.
They’re put there by those who have fears of the dark
Give them a fire and their fear is now sparks!!
Anything different they can’t comprehend
So whatever you choose will seem like the end
Promise me dear child among their own road of tumult
You will step back and ensure your own heart is full
For if you will trust in the world you can see there
This is the wonderful world of mine you can share.
Never have fear of pursuing your heart
Without the head cannot make a start
Follow it,  follow it,  follow your dreams
For they mean so much more than many have seen.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawley Poetry 2015