Category: Uncategorized

The bite to ice

It’s his way of making friends you see, and once he knows you

he’ll be just like a melting pat of butter

All squishy soft and loyal, so,let him bite you, you implore

Don’t worry about a simple wound that will surely heal! 

Be careful to make him love you more than more 

His wound just makes you feel 

So he’s doing you a favour by showing he cares  

Not always a pain to draw blood you understand. Just minor things….. 

Words that don’t hurt right? 

No they take on a life of their own as they dance like demons in your head 

A year and a day after, a lifetime maybe 

He tries to convince you he’s melting but he’s like an iceberg with jagged edges 

They cut deep and will always cut 

Unless you walk away, don’t be fooled by tears or cajoling 

Find yourself wholer than you knew possible 

So complete you can be without fear 

In the sunlight you can watch as the drips of water equate to the ice 

You were forming around your heart. 

Breathe freedom.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Skimming the surface

Reaching in she pulls the paddle over and under trying hard 

To remove the scum gently  

If only she can be gentle enough with more time or patience her inner voice says 

It will be just as it should 

Again she works to remove another cruddy layer in determined silence 

The other voice tells another story 

Walk away abandon it, save yourself it beats a stronger rhythm than before 

A clang awakes her from her reverie 

Nothing clings to the paddle at her side so she checks the waste bucket at her side 

Perplexed at its emptiness of anything solid  

Realising that all along the shift was something she thought she was doing 

But she skimmed the surface of an empty barrel 

What she tried to perfect , put right is nothingness and just how she wonders 

Could that ever be done? 
©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016 

Offering nothing more

Laid out is the offering the table well laid for the party promised 

To attend but failed 

He’s sat there watching her over an hour now 

Thinking her too stupid to know he is there in the shadow white night 

Snow tumbling down covering car and its tracks in white 

Disguised in his head parked just to the left 

Of his usual spot where he’s noticed straight away  

For he needs to be noticed by adoration or pity 

Overall it’s attention he needs and craves like his crutch 

Does he feel anything for anyone she asks 

Her anger is boiling and bubbling like oil in a pan 

Starting to lick into flames 

Tamping them down she tries for this day at least to ignore the dark anger that bides 

Like a being in her chest as she feels disgust start to reign 

Tiniest spark ignites to light her way forward 

Showing her there’s an end to his tyranny in sight 

As something goes flying when he can’t get his way, feeling disgust at what she sees 

No more wanting to help, pacify, or excuse 

The narcissist who’s out to destroy piece by piece  

Each last atom of self respect that she holds in her hands hidden from view 

He slams out walking away like a threat 

Slithers down the wall till she’s sitting cross legged as a child 

Listens to words of friends playing on repeat 

Walk away while you can, make the parasite leave and stop leeching your life  

She lets angry tears flow as she walks to her lonely room  

At herself for this lasting so long 

Never again will she allow herself to be under this kosh 

How it happened she’ll never understand .
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Acceptance of anything 

Your eyes roll as she tells you she can’t take the burden on her 

It gets heavier daily 

You’re not on your knees yet is your retort 

Snarling sarcasm oozing from every pore to poison her mind 

Against herself 

Agreeing she can accept more, a little longer 

Wishing at least one promise comes to fruition though it won’t  

Your words twist like a rusty knife leeching poison 

Through her tired veins 

Someone who has seen it all before makes her promise to ensure this 

Is the last time that she gives because 

She has nothing left to spare this sucking insect without destruction   

And finally although she’s told him just a little longer 

Everyone still fooled by the tearful lines of being misunderstood  

Calls her up and begs on his behalf like she knew they would 

Her sanity worn to a frazzle, because she’s drowning 

But that last fight you have before you sink is always fiercest 

And she forces herself to the shore where he no longer resides 

Leaves the ghosts of the past to play at unhappy families  

What does she have left he taunts her……

More than I realised, more than you wanted for me, just more 

It’s called life not perfect, but I can make dreams 

She has begun 

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Different truths

Your eyes, your lips speak different truths of their own

The lips if they want to issue trite statements cherry picked from magazines

And the eyes glaze in boredom that the subject isn’t you.

When you talk the story has to say you are a martyr of your own life

Blame for things lie elsewhere, and your doorstep is scrubbed clean

You don’t notice the stains you have made lying there

Shielded from the beginning and never learning to grow or give 

Though you congratulate yourself on your generosity  

You are as transparent as a window pane 

With a memory as murky as a puddle where it suits 

So carry on and drink 

Salute yourself as no one else does 

And you cry into your coffee cup at the lack of understanding  

You aren’t appreciated for the things you might have done 

The world is always the same speaking a different truth 

To  your own sacred song
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleypoetry 2016

Labyrinth light

The orbs glow brightly to all who will watch their bluish light 

Winking, flashing 

To find them in the distance will take me away far away 

From the labyrinth in which I wander 

I may look lost or aimless 

But something tells me that to leave this place where I can take many routes 

Will lay me on a straight narrow path to darkness 

Where here I am illuminated

The glow may be eerie but so many turns, choices here….

A straight measured road? 

To nothing 

I remain in favour of the labyrinth and my mind tells me 

That when I find the end 

It takes me to a new level the next colourful cavern lit by…..

Who knows what I shall find 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

You didn’t , you……

You didn’t you say, that was someone else 

Who felt for you 

They put your words into a real neat line, you didn’t because 

I don’t see it 

The boredom of writing your soul in blood on paper, you? 

You’re not a person who tells me 

Everything 

And if I didn’t see then it can’t be truly you 

Why share your heart in its smallest pieces, or when it’s 

Bursting? 

You don’t, you didn’t ,you couldn’t ,you can’t 

Because I wouldn’t and I want a newer copy of me in you 

That’s all you should be a replica 

No way you believe I could, I would, I did 

I am.

You may have closed the door to realms of possibility 

I mourn it’s loss for you 

I hammered my doors and windows out from their frames 

To be anything I want.

I did. See it or not, I do.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

The walls were greyish

She kept them that way to avoid thinking about the colours

That she might like if she looked 

But it was easier to just keep everything as grey as always 

And then nothing could dim, or tarnish. 

The walls of the cell were greyish.

He asked if painting the walls pretty colours with patterns and things 

To make it a place of freedom and dreams 

She looked at him with bewilderment in her eyes 

And told him sternly to leave then because they are 

The walls of a cell which is always greyish. 

He gave up puzzling about this and dreamed of field of golden barley 

Of hills and beautiful sunsets 

She repeated an oft said phrase with more vehemence 

The walls stay grey because they are as I say 

Always destined to be greyish 

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Unfolding fear

I watch as things unfold slowly, deliberately  

Can feel the newness like putting on brand new bed linen 

The crispness, feeling like nothing there has been sullied  

Stroking things to see how they feel, if they bite 

Or just caress me back 

The familiarity rubbing softly against my cheek 

Like a soothing hand stroking  

The fear tried to sink in its teeth slowly 

As it did once before and it was jubilant over me 

This time I turned giving chase so it skulks in the shadows hoping 

But it knew another me  

One whose fear was of being enough of everything to everyone 

A more alive me knows now that I should push back 

Unless I do I cannot hope to get anywhere  

I beat the unfolding fear with songs of my own 

It’s are drowned by my out of tune happy noise.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Liquid walls

You haunt my nights with light and dark
My days uneasy with fire or sparks
What are you? 
Being of another world seeping through
Touching at the edges burning cold
No-one can see you on edge of visions bold
I’m needing to look deeper but I might get lost
Worry less by the day of the cost
Are you the me I really am bleeding through?
The barriers broken and I am you
I find the thought enticing I can be this other soul
With something more to show a  purely fluid goal
It sounds alien and scary to have liquid walls 
But they flow these barriers best of all.
Try them, push hard they do not bend or break
Nor shatter like glass ceilings but more effort they take
One small stone, to break the glass smash it good and right
But liquid walls mean you wanted movement and put up a fight
So turn to your dark corners where you feel the world ends
Push hard, push well
For here is where worlds meet, mingle, blend.

Ailsa
©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016