Category: Uncategorized

Patterns of life 

You couldn’t help but hear as the excitement charged his voice 

It’s not done that ever before 

Other voices still talking slowly quieten 

As he yelled 

The blood it flies everywhere, if you do it right 

I mean of all the times I did it and……

What hasn’t happened ?he’s asked urgently 

It makes patterns there’s nothing and then this amazing pattern 

All the times I hit her before well slap cuz I’m not violent right? 

Daring them to disagree 

And it looks the best game I’ve never seen it in life 

Blood lust dripping from his voice 

Like sap from a tree 

Telling himself it’s ok to do it and no one is shocked 

Except for the listener, me at the window 

Sickened and fearful 

For the things that pass for normal  

I will her, whoever she is to run and not return 

Listen to no promises of never again 

Because for some this becomes a pattern of life.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

Actors dilemma 

The actor shifts a little to the left off stage an audience 
No longer a player 

Her part dictates participation in this farcical charade 

Which is more tragedy than drama 

Leaving her feeling a drained shell of a being a duality 

Now so wearying that in hiding all she exposes more than ever she would have 

So many buried things writhe to the top 

Her body never rests with the twitching of the otherlings she feels 

As they shift to the surface and faces with razor mouths bite 

Pulling from her core the hidden things 

Feelings unfelt, words unsaid, tears unshed pushed deep 

She almost hates herself for allowing and denying the words that spill 

But they purge as they make her feel vile and vicious 

For voicing truths hidden in boxes 

The stories hidden in filthy boxes at the back of the mind attic 

Locked and chained until now 

A time she knew would come but could not ready herself for 

The words float on the wind

Musical notes alive with deep meaning and pockets of dirty air 

The creatures wriggle giggling with joy at what they want to release 

She fights them clamping some things inside 

Determined they will waste away in their boxes and harm no more 

Wanting to strike out at the silent aggressor on the stage 

She knows given time she can be victorious 

If these things would stop biting to the surface demanding 

To be told now 

Heaving them aside she moves on to do mindless things 

Knowing one day these demons will out.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

There

I am there and feel such peace my body cannot stay rigid 

Like bones removed I flop around as mind floats wild 

Time it seems to stop there 

Oh I love such enduring harmony 

As I’m quietly assaulted by every possibility 

Make sense of what has been before 

See that which is to come 

Bring heart , soul, mind and world and call myself back home 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

The door is always bolted

I allow her to go out sometimes he stated nonchalantly 

Because I’m a magnanimous sort 

They have to be allowed out occasionally to keep them happy 

I let her breathe sometimes 

Though not too often as that’s not good for everyone 

She asks nicely if I mind knows her place 

Me? Well I do as I please like I should isn’t it obvious 

Unless I say the door is always bolted 

You see if the key were in sight she’d only get curious 

As to what else is out there 

Ideas might start occurring to her that aren’t any help to me 

Best to allow a taste of freedom 

She can’t see she’s my prisoner at all my friend 

Tie the rope loosely like you do a dog 

He shrugs, grins, and wags a finger to his listener 

Mark my words you’ll rue the day 

You decided to leave off the bolt, chain and let her be free 

Because I know from experience a locked door 

Is always what has to be slid gradually into place. 

The door keep it bolted friend while keeping your smile on your face. 

Swaggers away so sure he’s so learned, clever, wise 

Confusion on his face when his friend asks what’s the fear in your eyes ?

You mix me up with someone else he retorts 

She knows her place dammit!! 

Unknown to him I saw him in the street 

No ogre of massive proportions he 

And I wondered who really let who out after all 

You almost wavered in a stiff breeze 

Couldn’t catch an eye and fear on a person speaking 

Maybe my disgust and anger were directed at 

A bit part player and echoed too closely for me 

Stopped by shadows of then imposing on the world of now.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Your face of desire 

Watching me closely a monitor of the hatred 

You imagine I must hold 

That’s your driving emotion deep in the dark part of you 

Once I held pity like a prisoner 

Understanding as a lamp or beacon 

Now, now I have 

Nothing 

Just a space where once I dragged excuses from 

To say why you did or didn’t and gave silent approval 

For your lack of care to carry on 

Unreasonable unchecked 

Never did you fear a rebuke or worse 

Like a child seeking attention by default 

You try to goad an angry reaction from empty canals 

Nothing flows any more in the land of yesterday 

The fear you instilled to pick at her confidence is gone 

Melted as ice in the sun 

She has no energy to give you and now as the child you remain 

Your ploys for something to feed your self esteem 

Are ignored by her ears 

Forever deaf to the need to be first, last, centre 

As flotsam you float away 

Ignored 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Your face of desire 

Watching me closely a monitor of the hatred 

You imagine I must hold 

That’s your driving emotion deep in the dark part of you 

Once I held pity like a prisoner 

Understanding as a lamp or beacon 

Now, now I have 

Nothing 

Just a space where once I dragged excuses from 

To say why you did or didn’t and gave silent approval 

For your lack of care to carry on 

Unreasonable unchecked 

Never did you fear a rebuke or worse 

Like a child seeking attention by default 

You try to goad an angry reaction from empty canals 

Nothing flows any more in the land of yesterday 

The fear you instilled to pick at her confidence is gone 

Melted as ice in the sun 

She has no energy to give you and now as the child you remain 

Your ploys for something to feed your self esteem 

Are ignored by her ears 

Forever deaf to the need to be first, last, centre 

As flotsam you float away 

Ignored 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Sins of the father

The sins of a man should carry forward to his son 

What sort of person you ask lets things carry on? 

But I observe from afar and see 

The man he was is the same as you’ll be 

Your example you’ve sucked in like air by a swimmer who is drowning 

In trying to be more and tsk tsk and frowning 

At his mistakes all you’ve done is copied him like a man possessed 

Because you can’t bear to start again have memory undressed 

Your line you follow with no subtlety or clue 

All you can see is you’re not him, he isn’t you. 

Like a copied page of carbon you will fade to naught 

While blaming all around you for what you were sure could be bought 

And can you buy affection, love and care? 

Look who you’ve left behind at the man you’re afraid to stare 

Once you could have changed your dreams of a pedestal 

Now? All that awaits is you fall. 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Walls close in 

I am entombed in this concrete world where houses rise 

They appear overnight it seems like monuments to no man 

Only a case in which to place, contain him 

Your world begins and ends here he is told  

This is usual, normal don’t wish for escape they tut 

Scold you as a child for your naivety for even thinking 

Imagining you could want anything other than this cage of plaster and dust 

Showing you only to what you will return one day 

Dust, earth a piece of something carried on air 

Shut yourself inside, or enter the gardens of highest fences 

Everything but barbed wire not as its billed to keep someone out 

Remove the scales from your eyes 

It is there only to keep you in the little allotted box 

Break the walls down, smash the fences to splinters 

And scratch your fingers with just one so you know you can still feel 

Escape the institution you were placed in and carve your own way 

You can do it. You can do it. You always could 

Stop the walls from closing in.
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Breaking the no chain

She was told she of course would be there, the speaker in no doubt 

That their invitation (command) would be heeded 

Widened eyes, gaping mouth 

As she uttered no thank you but no  

But I said you wouldn’t mind at all  

Don’t be awkward, obstinate, contrary and do your womanly duty 

Words hit like bullets but they don’t crumple resolve  

Giving her a hardness necessary but unfamiliar to her 

NO I won’t be doing anyone’s chore 

Or proving anything for them her voice less than pleasant now 

Feeling the waves of disapproval as waves on a winter shore 

You’ll come around, they’re nodding in certainty 

No really, I won’t change my stance whatever you say don’t wait on that!! 

And this is how I’ll stay 

Freed from chains of duty 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Parallel lives

Alongside me for an age but living elsewhere 

Floating in your own bubble 

Of the perfection you thought you created whilst wreaking 

Havoc mixed with desolation 

And you call me to tell me you’re so perfectly irresistible 

Forgotten are the tears I cried 

Waved aside your hurtful words and shameful lies 

Things you thought me to stupid 

To ever comprehend are stored in my memory banks 

Packed in darkened boxes in recesses 

Shoved away messily for fear of their escape pulling me down 

I refuse to sink on this ship of fools 

You hoped to create from a patchwork quilt of sewn together lies 

Half truths and hurt  

Never a strong swimmer until the moment I was in danger 

Of being consumed by a fabricated world of parallel lives 

Cutting the water with arms like blades 

I fling myself upon a rock  

The solid thing to be my salvation in this sea of doom 

That I only noticed when I needed it. 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016