Category: life

Wishing away

We’ve all done it before

Wished away hours, days, months.

I watch as you wish life gone

To cut short your endurance.

You chuckled like I’m still a silly child

Annoyed every word spoken is not believed.

The automatic yes of course you demanded

It brooks no questions, there are no answers.

That you can voice.

Tell the lies to yourself that all is well

Same old platitudes of being fine.

Even the ranks have closed around you

They know but won’t say

See but won’t look

Avoid my eye when answering simple things.

The barricades are up in the town where all’s well

Defences being built upon daily.

I see cracks in the veneer, a hand span

And know I’m not only a lone creature now

This black sheep that left the fold to live

But I’m a deserter whom none will hear.

As you close down your world almost announcing gleefully

That you’re closing shop, pulling shutters slowly

You know that I’m the one who can see you

And can do nothing as you fade away.

All carry on in unspoken agreement

Tiptoe around what you don’t want to see.

And carry on playing the same old game

Of everything’s wonderful in summer town.

Wishing and fading away.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Give all, leave nothing 

Give me this, I’m taking that your shrill call cuts 

The air sliced into rough edges 

Hewn jaggedly from unexpected demands 

On time, people, life, AIR! 

You split things up to gain your way 

Crying tears that utter apology but are bitter 

At being caught out and not winning the battle 

That was in the bag , wasn’t it? 

Nobody cleverer you utter 

A vain tattoo beating on the wind 

As backs turn and the lock clangs 

Heart door swinging shut for the last time 

Leaving you in the cold night 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

The Attic 

There’s something here that you keep telling me to find 

Not with words but imagery 

Apparently I’ll know it when I see it 

The walls so old and dusty that I  barely see paper on the walls 

Smell of old books rising from boxes long neglected 

All here dumped, forgotten, dusty and old  

Scrub at the walls to reveal a rich ruby pattern on once cream 

Was this a haven for someone? 

It feels like it could become one if the boxes are moved 

Just stacked elsewhere here not taken away 

I see the space is huge,  beams above my head 

A threadbare carpet covering the floor and a shaft of light 

From where? Following the line find a tiny window painted in dark colour 

The rejected here was also protected I muse 

Beauty hidden in old boxes, a dirty wooden trunk 

Carved symbols and initials are waiting to be unveiled 

Will I ever leave this room? 

I have needed to return to a place I can’t recall seeing 

But it’s like a hazy memory 

I can only leave when it’s all tidily boxed away 

Rearranged like the protective armour that stops 

The past from invading the future 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Stardust 

Come O fearful one 

Closer to the edge of new beginnings 

Shuffle forward if your feet 

Refuse to boldly stride ahead 

Worry not that you progress slowly 

Promise yourself only motion speed comes later 

Steps will sometimes be sideways 

Acknowledge backward as only a direction 

You wish not to travel 

Look back only to discover your next step 

And assure you you are still going forward 

Don’t tell yourself it’s not fast enough for them 

If it satisfies you 

Push the edges of your world to expand 

To radiate 

Burst forth with your passion your fire 

Heart not afraid at steps over the edge 

As you take the leap you have to 

You are now free to dazzle and shine 

Like the stardust creature you are 

JUMP!! 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017 

Promise to dust 

Promises fill the air floating as dust motes 

See them dancing prettily full of maybes 

This time is the whisper 

Your hand grasps out not greedy but desperate 

For this time to be the one time 

And you can hold it close forever 

Inhale it deeply to keep feeling it 

Once more 

Once more you see 

The dust promise float away 

You hide troth upon falsehood so it crumbles 

Impermanent and imperfect 

Like a frost that draws you to step up test it’s reality 

And it melts, crumbling away to 

The dust promise it always was
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2017

Earth singing days 

The world has played a beautiful tune of flutes and string quartet 

It gives colourful notes we don’t always see 

The sunrise above clouds turn them into a peach meringue 

To a beautiful day of palm trees swaying in sunshine 

And now the light has left the sea crashing ashore 

Cicadas chirp in the trees singing where violins left off 

Natures music carries on if only 

If only we let it 

If only WE help it now 

The thoughts of doing stop and action starts 

Building bridges in bricks and man alike 

Showing slowly that we can live together in harmony not anger 

We don’t need to any of us 

Don’t agree? Live and let live. 

Help don’t harm 

Or it will be too late and she will have no more 

The earth will have no more singing days 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

What’s it to do with me?

Don’t look at me she said there’s nothing to be done 

I am only a single person and honey , eat none 

Even if I cared about it who’d listen to me? 

I’m not a politician or someone who hugs the trees 

Her eyebrows raise and she looks devoid of caring 

There’s more for me to think about than insects and daring 

Probe a little deeper and you find her insecure 

Confused at others worlds that to her appear poor 

So pointing out that little bee as the key to her own life 

Her mind makes little connection 

Anger stems forcing her to demand (with jabbing finger) 

Show me it’s work that’s worth the linger 

One by one her plate is carved till precious little remains 

The flowers on the table gone 

Her shock now plain 

And ringing in her ears are the words 

This is what these creatures do and this the thanks they get! 

Without their help you don’t eat if they come to harm 

Their work continues only if we’re careful in our world 

The food chain isn’t a pretty name for golden threads 

You snap this one and the earth can end up dead.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

That look 

He gave me that look the smile askew 

The face of knowing what life meant for sure 

Dark eyes warm pools full of everything and nothing 

As I misread their intentions 

For the fun I saw it was laughter 

For caring read any emotion but that 

You were capable only of doing what was expected 

Of giving out details many untrue 

Just for cheap laughs and a drink 

To join the crowd by proxy 

Alienated unless you were the entertainment 

It took a long while to see how desperate you were 

You craved attention never given 

Unless you gave the crowd of howling apes 

Your soul on a platter bowing low 

Begging their laughter and admission for moments 

The door always ready to slam shut 

Always the jester with an “anything m’lud” 

Laughing at others knowing you’re next 

Just for a while the insecurity fades 

As the donkeys bray loudly 

Each more afraid than the last 

That next laughter he’ll be under the spotlight squirming 

While they have you little jester 

They don’t turn on themselves like the animals they are 

One day a pack member will see through the haze 

Of fun and frivolous friends 

He’s the one with sense who has heart 

I hope you were one who did the same 

For your own sake 

Far away from their sideline it’s simple to see 

Step back and then run 

For your sanity before you become them 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Sand timer 

It’s slipping slowly, faster, slower as my head spins 

No regrets at closing this chapter to turn the page 

Not a person forgotten in the whirling maelstrom 

As the vortex sucks me through after nodded assent given 

Am I supposed to feel every moment? 

Some are gentle goodbyes falling like dew on grass 

Others don’t seem to have registered yet 

The gentle I will miss but the ones who make braying farewells 

My heart says they forget you when you turn away 

So the ones who give gentle hugs and words of meaning  

Are the ones I will hold close knowing through changes 

I can meet and greet again 

Sand pouring through the timer faster than ticking clock 

To make new building blocks 

Pouring forth to meet me and hold me 

As the sea meets the shore 

It numbers nothing now but instead set me free 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

The corners of me 

You told me to shave off the corner to the left 
Then I’d fit in no big deal 
Throw away the colour and mute the sparkle 

Lie quietly in shade unnoticed because it was you 

They were interested in, you who shone 

You shaved the corner away leaving me the scraps 

In a heap on the floor so I’d tidy up the mess 

Next corner took more work resistance had built 

With hacking here and there you removed it 

Smiling satisfied with your victory over the darned edges 

You were smoothing as you pointed out 

Where you decided I would fit soon 

Couple more corners and some sanding 

For the square to become a smooth circle 

Transition simple if only I’d not fight against your wisdom 

People would admire what you made of me 

In your creatorship status except 

Something had hit that nerve so it was raw 

Exposed enough for rebellion 

And I fought quietly till I found my voice 

The glue stuck the corners back so I’d never fit 

Into that space you wanted for me to inhabit 

Edges sharper than I remembered as I fought 

And brought myself back from the brink 

Of fitting in where I filled a space but couldn’t belong 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016