Mercurial Mairi

She arrived slipping out from the wall it seems
A liquid flowing form so mercurial
Yet I’m drawn to speak with her as if an urgent need has arisen
What exactly troubles you child, she asks soothing,
This place
Exactly what she emphasises with a smile
Encouragement or amused by me I cannot tell
It’s stealing me
How can it get into the very depths winding
Like Ivy it is surrounding me from all angles
Ahhh is her reply
Her grasp cool on my arm
Be still child,  it is not predator and prey we discuss
Don’t you feel it,  the difference here?
Nodding without a word
It’s the gods,  yours,  mine,  any, none
They have answered your call do you see?
They take something first to be sure you don’t feeeel it, hmmm
It’s a sense of something shifting,  slipping
When they’re sure they take other parts if they need to
What do they take (eyeing the room like it’s at fault!)??
You feel your heart shift first
Your mind following after if it needs to imagine
Some hearts are more logical resistant to impulse
Tell me child,  where does your heart bide?
Where can you find wildness,  desolation,  beauty and more
Do you feel peace and tranquillity and everything more
Do you see storms and run away or need to stay
See light play in morning and evening and magic dance in the air
Tell me child,  where else can you fare?
I nod you’re right is it really that simple
As a tap on my shoulder
Whose voice tells me we’re going are you ready?
I’m just….
Talking to that wall I know,  first sign of madness he laughs
Looking back she is gone mercurial mairi
Like she never was there…..

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Wolven ways of working

The sheeplike face changed to my confusion
As the lupine features emerge as a free beast again
I had to hide from the fears that cause hate
He nods to emphasise his point
If a harmless lamb you see before you or a wolf
What would you choose?
You’re taught from infant to reject all that’s clever
They say I’m cunning,  sly,  so I played
Their game as they like it and won
Did you see me as I really am behind what I presented?
Eyes question my thoughts but lips never move
I heard the exchange in my head
Now my panic sets in and I am certain I’m mad
For since when can an animal shape change?
Squeaks my human brain
Terror strikes your heart as I break the bonds you gave
Turn dead eyes to me dull like a fish that’s sacrificed
The sheeplike face hiding behind it’s sameness
Show me the wolf her difference and honesty
She will warn if she is striking
I take the wolf in the hills as my creature any time
It’s the sheep facade I care nothing for

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Skye skies

The bluish light pulls itself over the horizon
Bleeding slowly and creeping towards me silent, brooding
I see around those who feel only menace
Calming to watch the hues play out
Their tones change with the moments deepening
Reaching like the arms of a giant
But I know not whether you will hold or smother
From safety to menace
The breath catches in my throat as blue,  green,  purple mingle
Swirling like the currents in a brook eddy
Overtaken in a sudden blanket of black
The light of day has gone now
To leave the chill night?
Yes
Looking up I am heartened by the trail above me
The magical starscape map
That can lead me anywhere but will hold me
As it’s willing prisoner

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Sky dance

The whoops and wails, Catherine wheel trails
Descending to land in a dance
And she watches afraid but can’t tear away
As beauty with horror unfolds
What is it exploding in marvellous dance above?
Has it come but to kill or cure
It’s broken the darkness of the skies with magnificent colour
But her eyes make her stay
Such a spectacle in mystical greens holding spectres
Purple gifts of hope entertwine
She knows she should run and hide
For it’s always been this way or you’ll bring on (she shivers)
The end of the world
These are the curses of woman they say
A dawning mind tells her who would know it was her
If it were true….
So she stands tall, taller still braving the storm expected
To find that after effects are simply this
The skies darken to only stars knowing
That she didn’t hide or flee
The most beauteous sight seeing but for now…
Can’t repeat.

Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Happy New Year!!!

I want to wish you all a very Happy and healthy 2016. This has for me been a year of change, and this is something I hope carries on into next year. 

It’s been in 2015 a year of huge difference to my life, which began with the slow process of accepting a goodbye, or the way I see it, an au revoir for now. 

  I decided to go back to my writing to help the churning mind, which hasn’t stopped (why did I think it might?!!), but with the help of some very good friends, some who gently nudged, others who pushed me with the brute force of both hands, over the precipice of fear, and into starting a blog to post my scribblings. Never was I more glad of doing something for me, just because. 

For those of you who have liked, commented and encouraged me along the way, I thank you wholeheartedly . For those who want to, do please! 

Finally, stealing the words of the wonderful Neil Gaiman, 
  
Have a happy, healthy, prosperous, 2016 in a way you make it yours. I wish you good cheer and 🍸🍸🍻🎉 raise a glass to you my friends.

Much love

Ailsa ❤️

Unmasking the gift

Quietly calm and willing to give of herself
There is no limit to the support offered
Never been told the credit limit is reached
A top up required
A repayment due
To those who are within her circle of trust
Holding up the walls around her hear the selected moments
The times she shares her side
Not just soaking up their troubles like an oily rag
Now? 
She is allowing herself to think and be free
Giving still many a gift
But today she acquiesced that it’s really alright
To need rest
Ask for a hand to hold
In the twilight,  midnight,  darkness
Hell she is deserving and so worth it all
Filled to the brim now her knowing expands
Her learning or her staying will show things
In a wondrous three dimensional way
And she will be thankful for it all now
Her beauty
The type she sees as normal
Has just grown wings to make her fly high
Do I know her?……

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Peace within the storm

It rages picking up throwing things
Whistling at windows as an angry wasp
Banging
On doors and walls
I’m coming in it’s telling you laughingly
But only when I decide to enter
Cower at my majestic work now my dears
Hurling rain like missiles to break the strongest
And the weak will follow it laughs
Which are you?
And as the lights dim and flicker like fairy lights
I feel a sense wrapping me in it’s blanket
A kind of peace that rolls through me
The details don’t matter
Something bigger has taken the control of everything
I yield to it happily as I can only breathe
Give it my full attention
My gratitude overflows at it’s wild gift

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

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Wishing you all good health,  and a happy holiday season,  followed by a wonderful New Year. 
Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement.

My heartfelt thanks to you all.

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Let’s make 2016 the year we dance and don’t worry about who watches!!

With love
Ailsa 🙂

Stepping in to time

She steps in,  out,  forward around anything to not speak
Deep in the depths is that hidden away hazelnut
The one with the curse inside
Sometimes she dares herself to pour the secret out
Like a cup of molten chocolate thick and gooey
No longer worried about neat edges
Because it may spill everywhere
How much longer before she cracks the nut and it all
EXPLODES!!
And what then, what happens?
She sighs and watches while she lets the steam escape
Tamp it down a little longer
Forcing the lid on her secret self and making her lips smile
Because she is afraid of something
Herself
She’s getting sick of smiling in the face of her rage
Playing the role corrupt as it is
The nutshell has cracks and she is breaking free
When she is unleashed heaven help you for her storm breaking
Could bring your destruction

Ailsa
© AilsaCawleyPoetry 2015

Almost time

It’s almost that time, etched on my brain when memories dance 

I tell myself to concentrate on only the things of the distant past 

But everywhere has the same song on play that reminds me of you 

The words that up to now meant something slightly deeper than a Yule song 

But this year the pot inside me they stir and they churn 

Tears at my eyes keep tinkling and burning 

I want to switch off

But I make myself listen 

And I’ll sing the line that makes me cry all over again, again

Sending wishes on feathers through the air to you 

As you did to me 

I am pulling the threads of the cloak to keep warm 

Feeling the chill of your loss deep 

I carry you in my soul a corner that’s yours forever 

People ask if you could be replaced or just put aside in time 

Why would I remove you 

I am as much a part of you now as I ever was 

My soul misses yours,  we shared hopes and dreams 

And I still talk as I did telling you of all the days, 

Smiles and tears in equal amounts 

One day I know more happiness will flow but for now I just allow 

What I need to come out 
Ailsa

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2015