You have confused me with a smile followed by an onslaught of vitriol
Disarmed by the kite of peace and attached to the string poison
Pouring out your hatred of me and why?
I have no clue
I am completely bewildered but you keep up the hatred
I want to ask what I did for this but know the answer
Nothing except be there
And you will carry this on while telling me I deserve it
I breath so that is enough for you
To issue venom and vicious words
I walk away and you smile at your victory
Assume I agree that I do not matter as you say is the case
Why else you ask?
Because I am better than to fight bitter with bitter
Beat hatred with the love within and silent contempt
Words are wasted on some.
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015
Your facade slides into place a smile suddenly on full beam
Just like the headlights of a car when the switch is flicked
So long have you held this persona in reserve it’s almost
Too much longer and it will be all that is left
And you can carry on like the avoided iceberg
Because underneath it all is so great an amount of
Of not being a worthy person who matters
That you will seal your own fate by acting the part
You no longer know who it is that’s the real you
Frightened of who you might be If you’d be liked
So you keep the cold front from sheer terror
Watching you from the shaded warmth of anonymity
The woman of no consequence puzzles
Silent and aloud
As to your need for a facade, pity and anger mix
Gritting her teeth into an equally fake smile
As you have become of no matter to her
And you lose the game through her refusal to be
Forced to play any more
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015
You were oh so clever you thought all down the line
The line that kept twisting and turning
Desperation for more perfection and yelling it’s mine
Till inside you only feel this fear and it’s burning.
Yes little miss roses, life’s never so perfect as you want it to be
While you hurt and you hunt down the carers for you
Or you get offered two things but demand to have three
Doesn’t matter if it’s right or if it’s true
You built yourself a problem like children build snowmen
With the fun and determination to succeed
You had one small blip on your landscape but counted ten,
And then you decided to add in your own special greed.
Did you look before you leapt into your latest fairytale and magic?
Or did you just think now the roses are planted you’re saved
That it can’t turn all human and nasty and tragic
When you decide to make your peace with the heart you engraved
Your name with leisurely careless pride
You’re going to discover the hurtful truth
There is nothing left but emptiness rattling around inside.
Barricade your windows, your doors, hide from the hurt you caused
And when you sniff the scent of the roses you hastily planted
Then will be time to wonder should you have paused.
She answers deferring, vacant expression
As they stand in a line to explain
Shaking their heads in laughing session
That she made a mistake yet again.
Profuse apologies commence from her lips
Nervously laughing as she stumbles about
They join together, an armada of ships
Like guns they barrel poison words out
Are you stupid woman, can you not see it?
It’s so clear to us you aren’t of this world
You haven’t a clue not even a bit
As one has a hand in fist curled
The day has come, she has suffered enough
This mousey woman for whom nobody cares
She has decided now it’s time to get tough
Out of the room she’s climbing the stairs
Her husband walks in, yes she’s sick
Tells him she can’t even walk out the door
They’ve no idea about what makes her tick
And her decision is to take their haranguing to take no more
She cannot be bold and speak of the plan
So now she stays till they leave her in her bed
Then away she will go from that place where they ban,
Her thoughts and her dreams from out of her head
Yes we saw, and you denied it was not possible it was you
All over the place, bag clutched firmly in your hand
Your eyes beseeching do not insist this is true
Or on all my hopes they will again stand.
So little woman, they convinced you you’re stupid and mad
Now they run around looking like an army of pesky ants
Their appearances tired, know now what they had
As their old perfect world takes on a tough new slant.
Well that’s what they say 😉
This is my first ever interview, as you’ll probably be able to tell! Many many thanks to Fiona Mcvie 🙂
Here is my interview with Ailsa Cawley
Name Ailsa Cawley Age 44 Where are you from The North of England A little about your self `ie your education Family life etc I’m from a small family, I went to primary and secondary school, leaving…
That was your battle cry, I heard it loudly as your anger exploded
Like a geyser when the pressure allows it to escape unchecked
I gave her everything, I always offered everything everything she’d want
Did I what ? you say
You scoff, why would I need to ask what she would want?
I chose things to give her, pretty things to dress her up in like my own doll
Yet she looks at me like I don’t know her at all!!
What would she like you to spend most? I ask
Why there’s only money, you absurd creature (he’s chortling now, looking for an audience)
He folds his arms laughing loudly.
And pales when I whisper “time, you never spent time”.
He taunts her in a crowd of friends and she smiles
Tells everyone who listens, and some who don’t
That she is cold, ignorant, distant like ice or stone
Do they all see what he has to put up with?
He grins overdoing the sympathy swing
As her arms tighten over her midriff shielding
Trying to avoid the verbal slingshots by staying dead still
Like the hunted in the glare of hunter just before
When it’s end is in sight or it flies to safety
Why you ask doesn’t she move, do something?
A fair question if you but only understand it
She is not always afraid of the aftershock
But the times she is less than successful in her deeds
Are the times she pays and heavily
Every move, thought of thought must be planned
Each word chosen with such precision
Still she doesn’t know if what was a fine peace move
For yesterday will again work or there’ll be questions
So she stands there quiet awaiting a queue
And it could so easily be the wrong decision
Don’t look through her like the unseen guest at a party
Speak but take care not for too long
Smile but be sure it’s not too often
See but be certain it’s not too closely
Now do you understand her dilemma?
Now do you see her glacial fear not knowing
If, when, how, who changing rules
The mask is painted to give protection
Don’t ask her to remove it
It’s all she has left of herself.
© AilsaCawley Poetry 2015