Category: Uncategorized

That look 

He gave me that look the smile askew 

The face of knowing what life meant for sure 

Dark eyes warm pools full of everything and nothing 

As I misread their intentions 

For the fun I saw it was laughter 

For caring read any emotion but that 

You were capable only of doing what was expected 

Of giving out details many untrue 

Just for cheap laughs and a drink 

To join the crowd by proxy 

Alienated unless you were the entertainment 

It took a long while to see how desperate you were 

You craved attention never given 

Unless you gave the crowd of howling apes 

Your soul on a platter bowing low 

Begging their laughter and admission for moments 

The door always ready to slam shut 

Always the jester with an “anything m’lud” 

Laughing at others knowing you’re next 

Just for a while the insecurity fades 

As the donkeys bray loudly 

Each more afraid than the last 

That next laughter he’ll be under the spotlight squirming 

While they have you little jester 

They don’t turn on themselves like the animals they are 

One day a pack member will see through the haze 

Of fun and frivolous friends 

He’s the one with sense who has heart 

I hope you were one who did the same 

For your own sake 

Far away from their sideline it’s simple to see 

Step back and then run 

For your sanity before you become them 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Sand timer 

It’s slipping slowly, faster, slower as my head spins 

No regrets at closing this chapter to turn the page 

Not a person forgotten in the whirling maelstrom 

As the vortex sucks me through after nodded assent given 

Am I supposed to feel every moment? 

Some are gentle goodbyes falling like dew on grass 

Others don’t seem to have registered yet 

The gentle I will miss but the ones who make braying farewells 

My heart says they forget you when you turn away 

So the ones who give gentle hugs and words of meaning  

Are the ones I will hold close knowing through changes 

I can meet and greet again 

Sand pouring through the timer faster than ticking clock 

To make new building blocks 

Pouring forth to meet me and hold me 

As the sea meets the shore 

It numbers nothing now but instead set me free 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

The corners of me 

You told me to shave off the corner to the left 
Then I’d fit in no big deal 
Throw away the colour and mute the sparkle 

Lie quietly in shade unnoticed because it was you 

They were interested in, you who shone 

You shaved the corner away leaving me the scraps 

In a heap on the floor so I’d tidy up the mess 

Next corner took more work resistance had built 

With hacking here and there you removed it 

Smiling satisfied with your victory over the darned edges 

You were smoothing as you pointed out 

Where you decided I would fit soon 

Couple more corners and some sanding 

For the square to become a smooth circle 

Transition simple if only I’d not fight against your wisdom 

People would admire what you made of me 

In your creatorship status except 

Something had hit that nerve so it was raw 

Exposed enough for rebellion 

And I fought quietly till I found my voice 

The glue stuck the corners back so I’d never fit 

Into that space you wanted for me to inhabit 

Edges sharper than I remembered as I fought 

And brought myself back from the brink 

Of fitting in where I filled a space but couldn’t belong 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

An outward look in

She watches and finds the anger that festered yesterday 

Has blurred to a haze and knows 

People look at her thinking she’s trusting, stupid even 

For letting things go and drift away on the tides 

Out with the waves leaving a memory as water on sand 

Impressions not to be forgotten 

They nod, smile and shake their heads at her allowance 

Of the bad things but don’t tear the perpetrators apart 

She lets it lie for her sake, for peace 

Or their wishes would come true 

And the only person torn apart would be herself 

Eaten up by hatred which she cannot hold onto 

Her freedom is knowing she can walk away 

They are trapped not she and she smiles 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016 

Filled 

You try so hard too hard to make me hate you

And I can’t because you see nothing is 

Worth the sense I once had 

Like battery acid churning eating my flesh 

Hot in my veins instead of blood 

I am angry at the things you discard 

Careless, callous 

Without thought that this time you might lose forever 

Something unique which others crave 

Like the drowning man desires air 

Still I don’t hate for the veneer has set 

And life tells me you had your chances only they 

Were never enough 

Nothing ever is for you and that was the lesson 

Some never get past the hatred to say it 

But you are how you are 

I can see you chewed up inside and filled with it 

Filled with the hate that will consume you 

But you think is a life force 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Freedom 

This place to go that place to see 

For many a year asked what she wants to be 

Never an answer for it brought raised brows 

Live in real life, remember now 

So she stopped answering and buried the dreams 

Under the rocks at the bottom of the stream 

One day a person who understood everything 

Said dig up the fear and let yourself sing 

The language, song, rhythm, cadence 

Only to you have to make sense 

She waited and thought of how this could be 

I can’t do this reckless thing only for me 

So she started in secret writing scraps of her heart 

And hiding them carefully because they’re not art 

What it took her a while to accept 

Was to give herself freedom from the prison she kept 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Cup of healing poison 

Sip by sip from the poisoned chalice she takes the dreaded drink 

Knowing what it does but unable to stop 

It’s like a fire burning out of control and this is kill or be killed 

So she’s chosen to take chances with slow pain 

Something tells her whispering in her ear that’s the only chance 

Her hand quavers slightly as her smile shines 

No one shall see and she is ready to crawl away hiding as it attacks 

The fire is intense, powerful and consuming 

As she decides to take the last of it at a glug knowing 

Her last breath could come after this swallow 

She lays down to sleep like the dead, be the dead ready now 

And as she feels herself drifting 

Watching herself from afar her acceptance is final 

Her motto it is what it is ringing in her ears 

Sees a tiny shrivelled part 

Not a heart for she feels it beat louder and stronger than ever 

To herself she advances picking up the knotted cord 

As it collapses to dust on her fingers 

The girl on the floor awakes and walks into her shadow as she hears 

Welcome back welcome back lost one  

But it tasted so bitter and it was poisoned she thinks 

The voice replies this was your restorative like a cleansing pool

It was to wash you free of hurt 

You have to feel to remove hurt and it is now dust 

A fresh beginning is yours to take 

Be as a Phoenix and rise strong but gentle as the healing waters 

The past is gone, it is but dust. 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

Shuffle closer 

Shuffle closer little one I have a tale to tell 

Of golden hordes and dragons offers to save the lives of men 

But just as surely will you hear the souls that they do sell 

Laugh as you wish at monsters lurking in a den 

Be not too certain that I jest so heed me very well
Shuffle closer little one this is a fairy tale 

But have you heard the fae folk passed on as pretty stories? 

Or can you hear warning bells as their ships set a sail 

Feel they’ll conquer all return puffed up and glorious 

Be not so certain that I lie or serve the people best 
Shuffle closer little one your eyes are e’er so wide 

You look at me with painful wounded eyes 

Sure the dragon was evilly wicked inside 

The folks you thought wee faeries gleeful as the great beast dies 

Be careful what you see my child is always to be believed 
The dragon fought for common good 

These fae folk their own goals 

Neither wrong in their own minds eye 

Look closely at the glistening coals 

As their union it now dies 
Shuffle closer little one and learn before the night is through 

That what you see in front of you is exactly as it seems 

Look once, twice maybe thrice 

Until you’re sure as you can be 

Don’t be willing to make that blind jump 

For something you can’t feel 
Shuffle closer little one learn the lesson well 

I know you do trust me now 

But I can hear it clanging madly that life ending bell 

You must see this is your end my child take a bow 
Ailsa 

© AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

 

Disappearing from view

I may be disappearing from view for a while I wanted you to know 

But pause now and then on the path you take 

You’ll find me there at your side a chance to help you grow 

No reason to falter, quiver or quake 

Imagine the veil drawn over the bride 

Concern yourself only the words I’ve said 

It’s like I have chosen only to hide 

Not forever but so your heart and head 

Can get into rhythm then the pain will slow 

There are days you will ache just for one sighting 

Mostly you’ll think of me smiling and know 

The veil has been lifted just a trick of the lighting ? 

Feel me close, speak as you would 

Not with ears but listen so closely 

You will know I am there just as I said I would 

Only sometimes to fade like my best summer rose 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawley2016