Author: ailsacawley

I have written since I can remember, devouring the stories of Roald Dahl under the covers by torchlight. I have always loved fairy tales, myths and magic. A good deal of the things I write has some truth in it. Others, not. I’m pleased you dropped by, please feel free to leave me a comment or if you’re kind enough to share that’s fine. ☺️

Katrina 

She cannot believe the words she is hearing 

The assumptions made about who, and what she is.

Where are they looking? 

Then she feels for a moment that her ruse went too well 

Her mask too inscrutable 

Shaking her head, Katrina sighs 

So long trying to be accepted, acceptable 

Doing what they said 

Tell the truth and be yourself 

And she watched them back away into corners 

Their faces pinched, closed even wary 

This different one not the same as them 

She peeled away the parts that didn’t match the pattern 

They all followed the same one 

Till she could bear no more and had to let the pieces return 

To where they belong 

And she stands proud like beast set free from a yoke 

This is me she says without fear 

Well maybe a little but not enough to stop her now 

Not any more 

She hears words of what they assumed she liked 

Imagined how she thought or felt 

She laughs loudly the melody new and unfettered 

Finally she is free from expectations 

Katrina will be unafraid from now only herself. 

Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016 

Rainbow hunter 

Hunting in the shallows she waited hoping 

To catch the fish this time or even a glimmer 

It swam deeper sensing a needful presence 

She needed to know it could be caught 

Caressed a moment less than a heartbeat 

Set free again to do it’s thing 

She wanted only to look and wonder at it 

Up close to know if the scales were brilliant 

Like captured rainbows glowing in unison 

Or if it’s coat was murky grey and eyes dead 

Lifeless like the voice she sometimes thought she heard 

Or rich and melodic and full of the deep waters 

Gurgling and laughing 

She will return tomorrow to stand in the icy waters 

Feet planted apart on rocks and blue with cold 

Soles cut from the jagged edges which she ignores 

Too determined to notice 

Tomorrow then she will return and the next day until 

She sees if the origin of a rainbow and a pot of gold 

Really start and finish together 

Here in the cool mountain river.
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry 2016

The pairing  

Her body undulates in pleasure as her lips taste 

The succulent greenery she holds 

Marvelling at the smooth exterior tough to bite 

That hides a secret core of lifeblood 

This she thinks is a secret she must share 

Watching the asp carefully draw near 
Her love watches her languishing at the tree base 

Feeling not the rough torn bark 

As it scratches his frame 

But a smile plays across the cherry red lips as she 

Unwittingly closes her eyes as the fruit touches her mouth 

Sighing in pleasure of a newness discovered 

Not yet shared 

And he wonders how to make that smile return 

Even for a fleeting moment 

To burn onto his memory when she’s gone as she will 

Maybe she’ll return but he is never sure 

And that is the addiction 

Hissing knowledge the asp quickens silent and stealthy 

It also is hungry and needing 

Her arm drops the fruit remaining as it strikes 

Her movements startled it to bite

And the smile he saw gone forever 

Or so he now dreams it….
Ailsa 

AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

That look 

He gave me that look the smile askew 

The face of knowing what life meant for sure 

Dark eyes warm pools full of everything and nothing 

As I misread their intentions 

For the fun I saw it was laughter 

For caring read any emotion but that 

You were capable only of doing what was expected 

Of giving out details many untrue 

Just for cheap laughs and a drink 

To join the crowd by proxy 

Alienated unless you were the entertainment 

It took a long while to see how desperate you were 

You craved attention never given 

Unless you gave the crowd of howling apes 

Your soul on a platter bowing low 

Begging their laughter and admission for moments 

The door always ready to slam shut 

Always the jester with an “anything m’lud” 

Laughing at others knowing you’re next 

Just for a while the insecurity fades 

As the donkeys bray loudly 

Each more afraid than the last 

That next laughter he’ll be under the spotlight squirming 

While they have you little jester 

They don’t turn on themselves like the animals they are 

One day a pack member will see through the haze 

Of fun and frivolous friends 

He’s the one with sense who has heart 

I hope you were one who did the same 

For your own sake 

Far away from their sideline it’s simple to see 

Step back and then run 

For your sanity before you become them 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Sand timer 

It’s slipping slowly, faster, slower as my head spins 

No regrets at closing this chapter to turn the page 

Not a person forgotten in the whirling maelstrom 

As the vortex sucks me through after nodded assent given 

Am I supposed to feel every moment? 

Some are gentle goodbyes falling like dew on grass 

Others don’t seem to have registered yet 

The gentle I will miss but the ones who make braying farewells 

My heart says they forget you when you turn away 

So the ones who give gentle hugs and words of meaning  

Are the ones I will hold close knowing through changes 

I can meet and greet again 

Sand pouring through the timer faster than ticking clock 

To make new building blocks 

Pouring forth to meet me and hold me 

As the sea meets the shore 

It numbers nothing now but instead set me free 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

When you change 

some people want you to go back to who you were once. Don’t we all need to go through life changing? 

❤️ Ailsa

The corners of me 

You told me to shave off the corner to the left 
Then I’d fit in no big deal 
Throw away the colour and mute the sparkle 

Lie quietly in shade unnoticed because it was you 

They were interested in, you who shone 

You shaved the corner away leaving me the scraps 

In a heap on the floor so I’d tidy up the mess 

Next corner took more work resistance had built 

With hacking here and there you removed it 

Smiling satisfied with your victory over the darned edges 

You were smoothing as you pointed out 

Where you decided I would fit soon 

Couple more corners and some sanding 

For the square to become a smooth circle 

Transition simple if only I’d not fight against your wisdom 

People would admire what you made of me 

In your creatorship status except 

Something had hit that nerve so it was raw 

Exposed enough for rebellion 

And I fought quietly till I found my voice 

The glue stuck the corners back so I’d never fit 

Into that space you wanted for me to inhabit 

Edges sharper than I remembered as I fought 

And brought myself back from the brink 

Of fitting in where I filled a space but couldn’t belong 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

An outward look in

She watches and finds the anger that festered yesterday 

Has blurred to a haze and knows 

People look at her thinking she’s trusting, stupid even 

For letting things go and drift away on the tides 

Out with the waves leaving a memory as water on sand 

Impressions not to be forgotten 

They nod, smile and shake their heads at her allowance 

Of the bad things but don’t tear the perpetrators apart 

She lets it lie for her sake, for peace 

Or their wishes would come true 

And the only person torn apart would be herself 

Eaten up by hatred which she cannot hold onto 

Her freedom is knowing she can walk away 

They are trapped not she and she smiles 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016 

Filled 

You try so hard too hard to make me hate you

And I can’t because you see nothing is 

Worth the sense I once had 

Like battery acid churning eating my flesh 

Hot in my veins instead of blood 

I am angry at the things you discard 

Careless, callous 

Without thought that this time you might lose forever 

Something unique which others crave 

Like the drowning man desires air 

Still I don’t hate for the veneer has set 

And life tells me you had your chances only they 

Were never enough 

Nothing ever is for you and that was the lesson 

Some never get past the hatred to say it 

But you are how you are 

I can see you chewed up inside and filled with it 

Filled with the hate that will consume you 

But you think is a life force 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016

Freedom 

This place to go that place to see 

For many a year asked what she wants to be 

Never an answer for it brought raised brows 

Live in real life, remember now 

So she stopped answering and buried the dreams 

Under the rocks at the bottom of the stream 

One day a person who understood everything 

Said dig up the fear and let yourself sing 

The language, song, rhythm, cadence 

Only to you have to make sense 

She waited and thought of how this could be 

I can’t do this reckless thing only for me 

So she started in secret writing scraps of her heart 

And hiding them carefully because they’re not art 

What it took her a while to accept 

Was to give herself freedom from the prison she kept 
Ailsa 

©AilsaCawleyPoetry2016