You spent so long just picking, picking
So the scabs remain below
The surface
Knitted loosely
But not able to heal, however much I wish it
I wear that new dress with sheer panic
Racing through me, waiting to be found out
Fraud they’ll yell
Fooling nobody
And they’ll laugh in the corner among themselves
In a huddle I cannot enter for the glass partition
Is against
My shamed face
Hear every single word you said they’d say
Daring me to challenge them on it.
I smile and play
The game with no rules
Except the words have to hurt deeply
Or they don’t count
Without knowing how, why or when I stopped (almost!)
Playing this twisted game of cards
Where the pack is slanted
So I never win
I did walk out in the new dress
Wearing the “tart” lipstick you threw away
Along with me
Walked out with the scales taken away
My eyes open and ears heard absolutely
Nothing at all
You were wrong and frightened
Of losing someone, anyone
So you weren’t alone
You tore me down to keep me at heel
Like a puppy
But I left anyway
I survived, and then I flourished
Despite you
In spite of you
I became more of the Swan than the duckling
You told me I’d always be
Because quite simply you lied,
Whispered in my sleeping ears,
Till my heart woke up with a jolt and decided
It was time
To fly away
Ailsa
ailsacawley 