Hard to believe you were so deceptively genuine
With your sad-shy smile
Your stories of growing up loveless
Unwanted, hurt
Imagined slights
Now I know how many stories you created
I will never know what possessed you
Or if your paranoia
Believes itself
So you garner pity from unwitting souls
Willing to feel for you and unravel
Your tales of disaster
Hardship and self pity
Dollar signs kerching in your eyes and dance
Across your head, alarm bells ring up the cost
Of everything but the
Value of nothing that matters
To many other beings who feel human
You are a sad specimen
A human calculator
Every apparent good moment
Put into the database for future recompense
Then used when it’s appropriate
A favourite word of yours
How does love become a given in the world of you?
Only when it has a price tag
You can claim back later
On the expenses form in your mind
Where all owe you something, everything they are
Wake from your slumber
Nothing, not a damned thing
Is owed to anyone
To receive back is a gift unexpected
Not a demand for outstanding bills.
I was fooled once, woke with a start
Rouse yourself fast
It’s going to be too late for you
So very soon
Ailsa
ailsacawley 