Chipping Away

You did slowly, deliberately, over time
The drip effect
Water torture
Sudden onslaughts to knock me off balance
Never things said in ways I could say you meant to wound
You’d sweetly wait to drop those grenades
In your war
Word war
The moment of conversation closure brought
Something that made my mouth go dry
Why did I just smile?
Or try to sort out the problem you saw?
Like I’m just being kind you know
Your thighs are getting bigger, of course
I’m SURE it’s only me who sees
You’re not exactly
Unattractive
Just thought you’d rather know from me
And I’d feel nauseous and numb
Examine myself and stomach churning
Convince myself
I was a let down
Hearing about how I could always sort it
Another smile, reassuring me (?)
When I’d walk for miles to be “better ”
Then came questions
Who did I see, it was ONLY a loving comment
And you’d never say another word
But you always did
Never clever
Not pretty
I didn’t expect beautiful or bright
Enough for you
To accept me
It wasn’t warts and all else
Only the failure
The don’t match ups
Funny how the looking glass showed you
A perfect picture of some mythical being.

Ailsa

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