Nightmare 1

You think you’re one of the beautiful people.

Dare to imagine you can be one of us!!

No didn’t, never once

hadn’t contemplated that until you said

and still the answer was no

Not like them. I read books, so it made me odd, stood out

imagination marked me different, the reject in the factory

they commonly called school.

Made to stand in the bin, where rubbish belongs

voice of a cackling medusa like creature

who was purported to be an oracle, of knowledge

how could any child learn kindness

from a teacher who showed only childish cruelty?

Like pulling the legs from an insect to see

how long till it dies

You’d watch your victims, waiting

I could have made you stop I know

but damned if you’d ever see me cry, no matter

what you did, mind or body

words, jeers, slaps, pinches, no tears.

Granted, I could have made it so very easy, if only I’d cried

so you could be a heroine, the one of pity

taking pity on your object of malice.

Stubbornly refusing to play the game

not a pawn on your personal chessboard

I couldn’t see some of their fears

simply that you hated me,

and your example said they should too.

Escaping your clutches every day, and knowing tomorrow was always

too close by

still hoping if I read enough

I might escape into one of those magical worlds

where happy was ever after, evil witches were dissolved by water (I wish!!!),

and cold, hard hatred wasn’t tangible

daily tasting of brackish water

churning my insides with it’s spoiled solution

or maybe just the tears I swallowed,

so you never got your only wish, not from me

a single tear to see, polite smiles that was all

barked orders observed, followed

The intent growing to see just one single tear

slide down my cheek,

Your victory

Never did happen.

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Dream lands maybe

Unexpectedly, on my travels I find a place

A bank leading to a calm flowing river

soothing tree lined place of peace

feeling of contentment within me looms

my eyes though, seem to look through gauze

picture clear, yet unclear

familiar voice calls to greet me

I turn and speak, but this person here isn’t the exact person of now

rather a bygone era, almost a Polaroid, a negative

of a man I love, happier, younger.

You call me to sit, warn me I’m not to stay

we talk as the river flows idly by

I too am relaxed, but all too aware

that soon I have to depart for another world, time.

You tell me not to linger, don’t I know yet?

that all I need to do when I want you next ,is come here again,

you are here in your place, you will wait for me, but now is not a time to stay

I feel you hold me tenderly, then walk back, seemingly only two steps to the other world

Turning to wave you have disappeared and I

have returned and am in my bed once more.

Ailsa Cawley 2015

Dancer

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Dancing wildly with abandon, joyfully
spinning out her skirts, feet flying
Eyes are closed
she has entered another realm, universe
The place where she is free of everything
in this world she can only dance
here she can never feel obscure or cold
her heart is warm, beating fast
euphoria, not blood flowing through veins
not needing to have a partner to hold
The air encircles her with it’s caress
her hair whips and whirls around
flying like ribbons in the breeze
She falls to the floor at the music’s end
her heart pumping wildly with new life.

Artwork by kind permission of Jean Alice Wilcox

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Ailsa

Listen to the trees

It sounds crazy I know
but listen, No really listen to the trees
As they accept the storms, all weathers.
Knowing that the storms pass
Aware they must sway with the breeze
not fight it and stand against it,
but gently bend and flow
Sometimes they are whipped about looking almost beyond survival,
yet still they stay and endure
Only deciding to fight back when it’s necessary
When they are beyond anything other.
After all the peace and bending is done they whip back,
in this process, sometimes snapping a little
Even fatally
Mostly they endure, till the wind finds a new source for it’s ire
Leaving them in peace, solid and proud again

Ailsa Cawley 2015

Ailsa

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