Judgement

Nasty sordid person, darkest being
Your inky black voice seeping into anyone who dares disagree
Turn on those who stand against your corrupt inner force
The ink running in your veins, black to your core
Try not to hear the twisted cynicism
Judging those who are fit for life or death
In your lonely little shallow world
As surely it must be, right?
All there are standing, are the dominoes set to fall
But these have no pattern, one go all go
Yours are more evenly spaced, bombs set up
Like landmines for the unaware to set foot on
One by one, not a chain reaction for you
That would burst your bubble of self importance
In the blink of an eye
That wouldn’t do now, would it?!!
Your intent to have a lengthy stay before execution by public firing squad
No doubt it will come, as happens to all
Knowing that your black, bleak pearls of hatred
Seep into the angry souls
Of mortals with compassion
You want your five minutes to last, to eke out every second
So keep on fleshing out with darkness, hatred and abuse
When the hired guns come, as they will
Then and only then will you realise you fed the masses
Not a diet of hatred and bile
But your own soul and even shell now
For the flesh, blood and bone are long gone
Turned into print for your flash in the pan
Flames die back, gun fire roars
Leaving nothing but an empty husk by the roadside
There for any passing vulture to get a meal
You?  Gone. Forgotten. Nothing left.

Ailsa

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Seaside soothing

Caressing slowly like a careful lover’s hand
Rolling, deliberately
Like you’re smoothing something gently into place
Watch mesmerised by the hypnotic motion
A ceaseless rhythm
Of a sudden there’s a break in this tick-tock style
As I hear a whoosh, smash, and water breaks
On the rock just out of my vision
I turn towards it to see that your loving strokes are not for this
The sands you have taken, tamed, put in their place
So you soothe them like you’d stroke a pet
To keep control and stop it straying
But the rock hasn’t submitted yet
Oh it will, however long it takes you,
Your rolling and crashing
Patiently passing over, beating, whatever it takes
Till it gives it’s core to you
And allows you to own it’s destiny
Then you too will lie on a shore
Maybe not this but a distant one
And the sea triumphantly has regained
All it wishes to possess
That is when you will feel the gentle stroke to settle and calm you
For it brooks no rebellion and beats all enemies

Ailsa

Spinning plates

People looked on in wonder, impatiently said
I really don’t know what goes on in that head!
Sometimes so patronising, what can you say?
How on earth do you guess where he is today

Open your eyes you ignorant jerk
Sit quiet a while, it’s hardly work
To still your mind, quell your tongue
He can hear your comments, they stung.

Your back to him, he’s shaking his head
Heard every damned word that you said
Yes, he wanders, him it frustrates
In his head thoughts like spinning plates

Not a juggler, a circus clown sometimes they crash
Fall to the ground, to many shards smash
Don’t you think he’d say if he could?
Doesn’t want this, he ISN’T a fool

So sitting quietly, happy by your side
We talk of things you’d always hide
Subjects varied that you have to share
Your loves, passions, compelled to air

Instead of feeling like you’ve nothing to say
I try to savour your words each day
Knowing soon that this chance will end
When your man in black returns, on you to tend

You know what’s happening you aren’t dense
Can’t they just apply some common sense?
Shaking your head you roll your eyes
Patience lost, listening to sighs

You know they are tired, but you are too
You’ve fought so long, they have no clue
Tenacity making you fight till you’ve won
That’s when you’re ready for the setting sun

Time to leave the world mortals see
Through the door you’re going to be
Talking, laughing and chatting a while
In your voice I hear your sparkling smile

Tell me ‘she’s here ‘ and ‘is it okay to go?’
I have to say yes because I know
You’re happy to see it’s your beloved mother
The fight, battle given up for no other

Knew she was coming for you long before
Take her hand, go through the open door
Gently you lie there closing your eyes
All worries gone, said the goodbyes

I know should I need you where to look
Said you’d be down by the babbling brook
I’d only to call if I didn’t manage to see
And like always and forever you’d appear to me.

Ailsa

Ailsa

Kate

I got an orchid to replace yours to me
It died and I felt bad
Maybe it wasn’t cared for enough

I miss our tea and ginger cake chats
By the fire snug and a world away
But only next door

Your roses are blooming now
And hanging over the fence
Tears sting to look at them

They’re beautiful and you loved them
Like all in your life
With passion and fight and warmth

Finally they put your bench in the park
I can’t look at it yet
Because the memories flood in

I will see it soon, I promise
Take a rose to lay by
Then go to the party there laughing

Not because I forget you, never that.
I made a pledge I will honour
Live life, be happy and smile

But my tea and ginger cake neighbour
My friend
It’s hard when I miss you still

I know you are dancing a jig in the stars
And I shall try to smile gaily
With joy in my heart

Ailsa Cawley 2015

Ailsa

Nightmare 1

You think you’re one of the beautiful people.

Dare to imagine you can be one of us!!

No didn’t, never once

hadn’t contemplated that until you said

and still the answer was no

Not like them. I read books, so it made me odd, stood out

imagination marked me different, the reject in the factory

they commonly called school.

Made to stand in the bin, where rubbish belongs

voice of a cackling medusa like creature

who was purported to be an oracle, of knowledge

how could any child learn kindness

from a teacher who showed only childish cruelty?

Like pulling the legs from an insect to see

how long till it dies

You’d watch your victims, waiting

I could have made you stop I know

but damned if you’d ever see me cry, no matter

what you did, mind or body

words, jeers, slaps, pinches, no tears.

Granted, I could have made it so very easy, if only I’d cried

so you could be a heroine, the one of pity

taking pity on your object of malice.

Stubbornly refusing to play the game

not a pawn on your personal chessboard

I couldn’t see some of their fears

simply that you hated me,

and your example said they should too.

Escaping your clutches every day, and knowing tomorrow was always

too close by

still hoping if I read enough

I might escape into one of those magical worlds

where happy was ever after, evil witches were dissolved by water (I wish!!!),

and cold, hard hatred wasn’t tangible

daily tasting of brackish water

churning my insides with it’s spoiled solution

or maybe just the tears I swallowed,

so you never got your only wish, not from me

a single tear to see, polite smiles that was all

barked orders observed, followed

The intent growing to see just one single tear

slide down my cheek,

Your victory

Never did happen.

Uncle (Not)

You demanded to be called Uncle
never were you that
ruling with nastiness in your castle of fear
NO LIGHTS!! It isn’t dark
calling people stupid, bitch or worse as the mood took you
Mostly bad, laughing at your own nastiness
So clever weren’t you, Uncle not
you may ask why
but I will never in a lifetime
call you uncle without a snort of derision
Clicking your fingers, expecting service
thinking that a young girl would like your charms
fall for you
Ugly inside, warted, fat and dark
Surely davros was modelled on you, I thought
did all I could to give your scared lady
courage
Told she was funny, beautiful, clever, wise
Everything you said she wasn’t
To me she was, it was no lie, no untruth
you demand I call you uncle, sit on your lap
could feel the bile rise in my throat
No, I’ll not do either, ever!
Turning purple you say what?
I won’t, don’t like you and leave her alone
Stabbing a finger towards my aunt
she’s sweet and kind, doesn’t need you
always telling her bad stuff, time to stop!
Feelings I couldn’t keep bottled anymore, the genie out
Look at my aunt, hope she’s not upset
A quiet smile of victory on her face
leaving the room so it’s not recognised,
stored up for later
Tell my mother I deserve a beating for that
Warned touch her once, just once
Looking at me menace in his eyes
Calling your Dad, see what he says
Go on, uncle not,  I know what he’ll do
you should be afraid, he thinks you’re a pig
Inside you’re a small man who thinks he’s big

Ailsa

Dark being

As you wander in your self created world
Trying to break lives, dreams and hopes
Falseness and darkness pour from your poisoned soul
while attempting to profess goodness and light
You are a friend, a brother of sorts
Coming slowly undone, edges frayed
Holes in your story
There is no light to look at you
you are seen as an obscurance to the sun
Not just a short eclipse this
It brings in the cold, howling gales, ice into hearts
and eventually blood.
Be warned now, simpering little man!
I smell your nastiness like a spoiled fish
I see the eyes flick and you touch people,
Like a snake with prey in sight
You think you will affect anyone I love?
Take extra care I may look especially quiet
like the volcano, biding my time,
explosion deadly
My aim more sure though only one casualty
And you will wish you’d never breathed
Do not even consider hurting my loved ones
as your regret will outmatch any gain
Slip away quietly into your dark place
for not all darkness is as harmful as you
Much of it is just a place of welcome,
of calmness and peace
You even give darkness a bad press.

Ailsa Cawley 2015

Ailsa