I am…

I pound the shores, bringing food
I take your boats safely back to land
You give me your gifts, often
Unwanted, unnecessary
Your rubbish and cast-offs
You say you admire my strength and beauty
While you slowly pollute and kill me
I am the Sea.

I allow you flight and life
I give you breath to look at wonders
Of the world and beyond
You carefully zero your carbon footprint
So as not to spoil the atmosphere
And for this I applaud you
I am the Air and sky

I am the rocks of many types
Older than you or all your kin
I was here so long but am being destroyed
By thoughtless people who need to leave
Their mark upon my sister earth
I ask you in all our names
Earth, Sea, Sky, Air
To visit, marvel have a care
We can only be here while you will think
Leave only your footprints on your path
Take only a beautiful photograph
Don’t build new skyscrapers
It’s already been done
Keep moving, changing the landscape
To prove you’ve gone
The best compliment to the beauty you’ll pay
Is to leave well alone for future days

Kindred spirit

A meeting of friends, kindred spirits
Of soulful beings with a common understanding
Free from shackles
Jumped off the treadmills
Walked away from wheels in motion, anxiety
The constant need to conform to the norm
So souls can wither and die
In a body that saunters on
No other can see to look at the outward countenance
Seeing only the painted on smiling face they perceive
Because they can’t bear
To delve a little deeper
Get to know the person behind the painted smile
Ask questions, incase they find something unpleasant
Or heaven forbid
Different,
What would we do then?
Look deeper and take in the words unspoken
Behind those you heard uttered to you
To salve your ineffective
Abilities to understand hearts
Take a deep breath and give the time
You will receive so much you could need
Without knowing you require it
Having these friends
Is worth more than any jewel could be
Take the step over the line
Break the barriers and give not only to new friends
Or old friends
But to yourself

To new friends and old. I thank you

Ailsa

Deception

Hard to believe you were so deceptively   genuine
With your sad-shy smile
Your stories of growing up loveless
Unwanted, hurt
Imagined slights
Now I know how many stories you created
I will never know what possessed you
Or if your paranoia
Believes itself
So you garner pity from unwitting souls
Willing to feel for you and unravel
Your tales of disaster
Hardship and self pity
Dollar signs kerching in your eyes and dance
Across your head, alarm bells ring up the cost
Of everything but the
Value of nothing that matters
To many other beings who feel human
You are a sad specimen
A human calculator
Every apparent good moment
Put into the database for future recompense
Then used when it’s appropriate
A favourite word of yours
How does love become a given in the world of you?
Only when it has a price tag
You can claim back later
On the expenses form in your mind
Where all owe you something, everything they are
Wake from your slumber
Nothing, not a damned thing
Is owed to anyone
To receive back is a gift unexpected
Not a demand for outstanding bills.
I was fooled once, woke with a start
Rouse yourself fast
It’s going to be too late for you
So very soon

Ailsa

Where is the girl?

You know the one…
The girl who looked far ahead at life
Imagined she was almost invincible
Looking in wonder
At so many things
You know that girl…
Shining eyes, confident in herself, mostly
Standing against the backdrop of life
No fear written on
Her face, a little afraid of…
What she wasn’t sure, but it was there
That deep knot, just enough twisting in her
Not stopping her
Making her hesitate
Sometimes
Where is she now, that fearless girl?
For that is what she was.
Or was she merely more naive than a newborn
Thinking the world better than it really is.
Who knows
Do you actually care
She didn’t leave, but changed, not totally
Enough so when life tired, exhausted her
Sadness engulfed
Happiness elated
The world kept spinning too fast
Her dizziness is only shortlived, temporary
She may be down, but never out
And she is coming back
Fighting hard
Firing on all cylinders
Not hiding, lost, destroyed, forgotten
But gathering the pieces of herself together
Adapted where necessary
Mostly
She is exactly the same
Underneath
But showing herself only to the trusted few
For the majority don’t know her depths
Stronger than before
Complete at last

Ailsa

Can’t hate

Can’t hate you because I won’t let myself
Become taken over by bitterness
Refuse to allow you the headspace
You’d love
To take up
I can be angry that is bearable
It’s something I can breathe through
If I allow myself to hate you
I become the person you tried to make me
My freedom of thought is impaired
Because
I let it be
So you won’t feel the satisfaction of that emotion
That is what you always hoped for
You may have got many wishes granted
You may be Teflon coated so nothing sticks
When you put on the poor me act
Rub the lamp, genies grant wishes
This is the vengeful desire you seek
The wish won’t
materialise ever.
I’d say sorry for that, but I’m not
So I won’t lie,  like you do.

Ailsa

Chipping Away

You did slowly, deliberately, over time
The drip effect
Water torture
Sudden onslaughts to knock me off balance
Never things said in ways I could say you meant to wound
You’d sweetly wait to drop those grenades
In your war
Word war
The moment of conversation closure brought
Something that made my mouth go dry
Why did I just smile?
Or try to sort out the problem you saw?
Like I’m just being kind you know
Your thighs are getting bigger, of course
I’m SURE it’s only me who sees
You’re not exactly
Unattractive
Just thought you’d rather know from me
And I’d feel nauseous and numb
Examine myself and stomach churning
Convince myself
I was a let down
Hearing about how I could always sort it
Another smile, reassuring me (?)
When I’d walk for miles to be “better ”
Then came questions
Who did I see, it was ONLY a loving comment
And you’d never say another word
But you always did
Never clever
Not pretty
I didn’t expect beautiful or bright
Enough for you
To accept me
It wasn’t warts and all else
Only the failure
The don’t match ups
Funny how the looking glass showed you
A perfect picture of some mythical being.

Ailsa

Waking up

From my comfortable bed a noise disturbed me
Early morning
Sleepiness making me
Unsure if I heard, saw, felt anything
The shadow passes the door
Exaggerated
Slowness
Bolts me wide awake and senses alert
Face I don’t know peers in with a calming (he thinks!)
Sssshhhh
Like he’s lulling
a child
To sleep, so confident of his ability
I am jolted further as my mind tells me
He came
Downstairs
My child rests up there and I need to know
She is safe, unharmed from this.
I get up my blood boiling, heart pounds
Tribal beat in me
Protect, deflect
I yell like something unearthly, in language
I do not understand a word
OUT!!  LEAVE!!
While you can
Across the garden and to the fence give chase
Back inside the door you left open, ill you said (drunk)
Letting this person into the home
Two at a time
Stairs taken
I get into the room of my child
Where she lies awake,  safe, unharmed
I look into the room where you are now
And see you
Huddled, afraid
Didn’t even move till I told you it was safe.

Ailsa