Uncle (Not)

You demanded to be called Uncle
never were you that
ruling with nastiness in your castle of fear
NO LIGHTS!! It isn’t dark
calling people stupid, bitch or worse as the mood took you
Mostly bad, laughing at your own nastiness
So clever weren’t you, Uncle not
you may ask why
but I will never in a lifetime
call you uncle without a snort of derision
Clicking your fingers, expecting service
thinking that a young girl would like your charms
fall for you
Ugly inside, warted, fat and dark
Surely davros was modelled on you, I thought
did all I could to give your scared lady
courage
Told she was funny, beautiful, clever, wise
Everything you said she wasn’t
To me she was, it was no lie, no untruth
you demand I call you uncle, sit on your lap
could feel the bile rise in my throat
No, I’ll not do either, ever!
Turning purple you say what?
I won’t, don’t like you and leave her alone
Stabbing a finger towards my aunt
she’s sweet and kind, doesn’t need you
always telling her bad stuff, time to stop!
Feelings I couldn’t keep bottled anymore, the genie out
Look at my aunt, hope she’s not upset
A quiet smile of victory on her face
leaving the room so it’s not recognised,
stored up for later
Tell my mother I deserve a beating for that
Warned touch her once, just once
Looking at me menace in his eyes
Calling your Dad, see what he says
Go on, uncle not,  I know what he’ll do
you should be afraid, he thinks you’re a pig
Inside you’re a small man who thinks he’s big

Ailsa

Dream lands maybe

Unexpectedly, on my travels I find a place

A bank leading to a calm flowing river

soothing tree lined place of peace

feeling of contentment within me looms

my eyes though, seem to look through gauze

picture clear, yet unclear

familiar voice calls to greet me

I turn and speak, but this person here isn’t the exact person of now

rather a bygone era, almost a Polaroid, a negative

of a man I love, happier, younger.

You call me to sit, warn me I’m not to stay

we talk as the river flows idly by

I too am relaxed, but all too aware

that soon I have to depart for another world, time.

You tell me not to linger, don’t I know yet?

that all I need to do when I want you next ,is come here again,

you are here in your place, you will wait for me, but now is not a time to stay

I feel you hold me tenderly, then walk back, seemingly only two steps to the other world

Turning to wave you have disappeared and I

have returned and am in my bed once more.

Ailsa Cawley 2015