And I will look for you

I will walk the beaches very soon, wild and windy as they are

Watch the waves as they crash the pier into quiet submission

Remember the stories of when you were a boy free as a bird

Look at the sun as it drops below the horizon as always

And I will look for you

I will wander the lands I feel your presence beating like a heartbeat

Where the thrumming of the earth burbles like your laughter

And the wind whips around me holding me steadily

Hear stories of adventure you told all from your own mind

I will look for you

Listening and learning your words by heart and tears flowing down

In peaceful solitude I can only think of you

Your voice spoken in dreams or by angels and others

I get used to you not being here, now

I know someday you’ll come to collect me and I have to be patient

Until then, I can do nothing other

Than keep on looking for you

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Pulling the wool

How far do you think the yarn will stretch before it frays and unravels?

Like your fragile balance of the truth you want to believe and cold hard facts

The wonderful phrase of let’s be friends, in time you’ll see

And blame what’s that, because it has not been me!!

Except it has

Whose eyes are you trying to shield from the absolute worst of the truth

I see through you like an old tattered bridal veil, story full of holes

You can only look at yourself as if an uneducated youth

Who couldn’t possibly conceive of  their actions turning a person to stone

Except it has almost

Don’t imagine for one second you have the power of a goddess

The images racing through your head I don’t want to imagine at all

They are demented, self worshipping and foretell future distress

I shall have no pleasure in hearing you had an almighty, painful  fall

Except  one thing is without doubt

The yarns will fray, strings do break

And you will

How to mistake your feelings

It’s not a difficult thing to get wrong the feelings game
I could have said I had no connection to you
So very easily
This time last year
Now my heart and head have agreed on something
That doesn’t happen so very often
Suddenly I realised I’d been building a castle of a man
Someone I wanted to see from being a child
Who you are really
Who my head tried to make you
And they are different
Not remotely similar to any notion I had
You were so remote I invented you
Like an imaginary friend
Who I couldn’t measure up to
I have realised I don’t have any measuring up to do
And I can’t and won’t try
Because we both did it you see
Built sand castles and stuck the other atop
Now?
The sea has parted the sand and we are so….
Different,  opposite
I accept the terms of the future
That each of us may know the other
Like an acquaintance
Too late for more, family,  friendship even
I care,  you care
And it has to be left there
I now feel peace towards you.

Ailsa

Damsels and dragons

As each new damsel with flailing arms appears

Worry not fair/dark/whatever you may be maiden

For your own Arthur is waiting , soon to be here

He will give you his own sad sorry songs to show he’s more than equally laden

This knight as you see him is dressed in stolen armour

The dragons breath still hot upon it, is turning it to dust

Just before the scales fall you will see him start to clamber

Those sinking castle walls he built on fake sand, not  trust

He will tell you he doesn’t understand why you changed to him

Why your face it fits the shell of rusty frame no more

And your old light and love have grown so very dim

Like the burnt out flame of desire you felt before

You will realise one day he’s trying to build a goddess to worship from afar

So stay distant, true, do not utter your dissent!!

It’s high to reach Arthur’s stay perfect bar

And now you can see the armour all ruined and rent

The woman he worships never was human and frail

She doesn’t have problems and she will never ail

He bows at the altar built as a boy in his head

He kneels down before the gods of the dead

So take flight damsel he cannot save you from your own dragons and fire

You were the solid face of a person of which he tires.

Picking up the pieces

How many times before the puzzles are complete?
Until you understand the language, rhythm, beat
What lies behind the nods
Beyond pretty words and cosmetic made gods
Who lie in wait for your soul to trap itself
Your own vanity tells you how much you can get
If you only tell the gullible sheep
The story they want to hear
And I watch unobserved, quiet and behind a wall made of steel
I know the dangers of helping you
I see the fountain spew forth from you
The lies mount up daily
So I shall watch next time you tumble down
I won’t help to be wounded by your words
Or give you a hand to hold
This time you will need to find another to help
I will not allow your world to encroach upon mine
This time if you destroy yourself
So be it

Ailsa

The forest banquet

She wandered the forest in the witching hour, a drumbeat in her veins

The tattered dress once of silk and lace hanging in rags on her frame

But this pilgrimage is one to make through the painstaking trek

No-one believes her, but she gives not a care,

They say she imagines things that there’s nobody there

Nodding to themselves and one another about the “silly old woman ” who meets her lover.

She comes to a clearing and begins to dance

Slowly in circles, building up slowly  and losing her years

Till the young girl she stops in mid twirl on a carpet of clover

Behind her a light shines over her shoulder of creamy white skin,

And it comes from within the nearest trees

The table is set with a lamp as she turns,  a long cloth of moss it’s cover

He’s here, and is serving the food, the wine

To the lady in the emerald silk, with the pearls at her neck

Her spinning took her back to the time he was here before

She’s to go back soon but she knows it’s really and truly just fine

For then they will be together for all of the time

The banquet is finished, lights are dim, she sighs

Quietly hugs him goodnight, no words are exchanged

Once again old, dressed in tattered rags she hobbles to her home

A smile on her face and a wave from her hand

She closes the door and gets ready for bed, shabby dress on a chair

Will she tell anyone of her travel tonight?

This time she thinks it’s my secret, they all think I’m mad

But have no idea what they’ve missed by closing their eyes to the light

A life so ordinary

The thing you wanted me to reject so badly to make me better, you said

Was a life so ordinary where the real people live

The world where money and power was both question and answer

But I ask you once more, who is it you’re afraid of?

If it’s ever gained you anything except more emptiness inside

I see you carry on digging like a dog hunting it’s bone

For that thing, that elusive thing to complete your picture

That last colour that changes the image to one of contentment

That will change the drab greys and bathe them in golden sunlight

It’s not so difficult to find the treasure you seek

Stop looking for the pot brimming with gold, riches, power

Just look for the container that looks a little battered and bruised but standing

It isn’t on view unless you take off the blinkers

It isn’t made of precious metals but looks, well, ordinary

All you need is there, the things to make you whole, heal and console

If you stop being afraid of a life so ordinary