Spinning plates

People looked on in wonder, impatiently said
I really don’t know what goes on in that head!
Sometimes so patronising, what can you say?
How on earth do you guess where he is today

Open your eyes you ignorant jerk
Sit quiet a while, it’s hardly work
To still your mind, quell your tongue
He can hear your comments, they stung.

Your back to him, he’s shaking his head
Heard every damned word that you said
Yes, he wanders, him it frustrates
In his head thoughts like spinning plates

Not a juggler, a circus clown sometimes they crash
Fall to the ground, to many shards smash
Don’t you think he’d say if he could?
Doesn’t want this, he ISN’T a fool

So sitting quietly, happy by your side
We talk of things you’d always hide
Subjects varied that you have to share
Your loves, passions, compelled to air

Instead of feeling like you’ve nothing to say
I try to savour your words each day
Knowing soon that this chance will end
When your man in black returns, on you to tend

You know what’s happening you aren’t dense
Can’t they just apply some common sense?
Shaking your head you roll your eyes
Patience lost, listening to sighs

You know they are tired, but you are too
You’ve fought so long, they have no clue
Tenacity making you fight till you’ve won
That’s when you’re ready for the setting sun

Time to leave the world mortals see
Through the door you’re going to be
Talking, laughing and chatting a while
In your voice I hear your sparkling smile

Tell me ‘she’s here ‘ and ‘is it okay to go?’
I have to say yes because I know
You’re happy to see it’s your beloved mother
The fight, battle given up for no other

Knew she was coming for you long before
Take her hand, go through the open door
Gently you lie there closing your eyes
All worries gone, said the goodbyes

I know should I need you where to look
Said you’d be down by the babbling brook
I’d only to call if I didn’t manage to see
And like always and forever you’d appear to me.

Ailsa

Ailsa

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Kate

I got an orchid to replace yours to me
It died and I felt bad
Maybe it wasn’t cared for enough

I miss our tea and ginger cake chats
By the fire snug and a world away
But only next door

Your roses are blooming now
And hanging over the fence
Tears sting to look at them

They’re beautiful and you loved them
Like all in your life
With passion and fight and warmth

Finally they put your bench in the park
I can’t look at it yet
Because the memories flood in

I will see it soon, I promise
Take a rose to lay by
Then go to the party there laughing

Not because I forget you, never that.
I made a pledge I will honour
Live life, be happy and smile

But my tea and ginger cake neighbour
My friend
It’s hard when I miss you still

I know you are dancing a jig in the stars
And I shall try to smile gaily
With joy in my heart

Ailsa Cawley 2015

Ailsa

Different fruits

I am the fruit of a different time and place

My freedom is something alien

a beast you cannot tame or calm

because I am my own person.

Belonging isn’t something which is I crave

fitting into your mould for me isn’t necessary

there is meaning to my world without it.

I am a good enough person,  that is all

I crave,  no more no less.

Having learned (finally),  that being me

is purely and simply who I was meant to be

If I try to force myself to fit

then I’d be worshipping a god of clay

Showing only a falsehood, not a truth

continuing on my path I was set upon

A long time before you came along

Never been a one size fit’s all, shrink to fit

the dye is cast the type is set

upon the page that is me

story that is written cannot be changed to suit

For I am myself, warts and all faults

That is good enough. I am not perfect and cannot be.

Nightmare 1

ailsacawley

You think you’re one of the beautiful people.

Dare to imagine you can be one of us!!

No didn’t, never once

hadn’t contemplated that until you said

and still the answer was no

Not like them. I read books, so it made me odd, stood out

imagination marked me different, the reject in the factory

they commonly called school.

Made to stand in the bin, where rubbish belongs

voice of a cackling medusa like creature

who was purported to be an oracle, of knowledge

how could any child learn kindness

from a teacher who showed only childish cruelty?

Like pulling the legs from an insect to see

how long till it dies

You’d watch your victims, waiting

I could have made you stop I know

but damned if you’d ever see me cry, no matter

what you did, mind or body

words, jeers, slaps, pinches, no tears.

Granted, I could…

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All We Need

DoubleU = W

you are the warmth on my face,

the breeze brushing my skin,

the cooling storm on a hot day,

the shade in the patch of woods,

the rain dripping from leaves,

you are all that brings life,

and you are all we need

————————————————–

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View original post

Nightmare 1

You think you’re one of the beautiful people.

Dare to imagine you can be one of us!!

No didn’t, never once

hadn’t contemplated that until you said

and still the answer was no

Not like them. I read books, so it made me odd, stood out

imagination marked me different, the reject in the factory

they commonly called school.

Made to stand in the bin, where rubbish belongs

voice of a cackling medusa like creature

who was purported to be an oracle, of knowledge

how could any child learn kindness

from a teacher who showed only childish cruelty?

Like pulling the legs from an insect to see

how long till it dies

You’d watch your victims, waiting

I could have made you stop I know

but damned if you’d ever see me cry, no matter

what you did, mind or body

words, jeers, slaps, pinches, no tears.

Granted, I could have made it so very easy, if only I’d cried

so you could be a heroine, the one of pity

taking pity on your object of malice.

Stubbornly refusing to play the game

not a pawn on your personal chessboard

I couldn’t see some of their fears

simply that you hated me,

and your example said they should too.

Escaping your clutches every day, and knowing tomorrow was always

too close by

still hoping if I read enough

I might escape into one of those magical worlds

where happy was ever after, evil witches were dissolved by water (I wish!!!),

and cold, hard hatred wasn’t tangible

daily tasting of brackish water

churning my insides with it’s spoiled solution

or maybe just the tears I swallowed,

so you never got your only wish, not from me

a single tear to see, polite smiles that was all

barked orders observed, followed

The intent growing to see just one single tear

slide down my cheek,

Your victory

Never did happen.